Rising x Sun
by gonheartkillua
Summary: [Gon x Killua] It has been just over a year since Gon met Ging at the world tree. Both Killua and Gon have stayed apart for some time now but memories of the past seem to linger for each of them, drawing them toward each other on a collision course, for completely different reasons. But what neither of them realizes is just how unexpected the outcome of their reunion will truly be.
1. Chapter 1 - Killua

**Chapter 1 - Killua**

Alone. Apart. Separated. Cold. Without. Missing. Departed. Frozen. Confined. Lost. Hurt… Killua….

If Killua had a comfort object, that comfort object was loneliness. He had become accustomed to its embrace. As much a prison as it was a grave, loneliness would wrap itself around Killua like a blanket made of snowflakes with gentle, icy kisses dancing across his pale skin. This was familiar, his bones, skin and heart told him so. The loneliness would cut out the world around him, cut off the elements and emotions so vastly distributed throughout the atmosphere. Things like pain were distant, not able to find footing within this realm. Too many, he knew, often misinterpreted this feeling, the isolation, as warmth. Killua did not make this mistake of course. He may be a broken shell of a being but he was still no fool. He was fully aware that this frigid embrace induced nothing near warmth. It only offered numbness to the cold. To Killua though, this was warmth, or the nearest thing to it. The closest he had ever been to warmth in his short life was the absence of the feeling of cold. The absence of feeling anything. A lesson he had learned well as a young child of the Zoldyck family while shackled and tortured. You had to earn this kind of loneliness, you see. This loneliness and the refuge it offered resided in the deep. A dark expanse of territory far below with ocean upon ocean of _nothing_ stacked endlessly upon it, pressing it deeper and deeper with all the might and force of gravity spurred on by the weight of the cosmos strewn on top.

But every now and then there was…_something_. Something stirred in the vast expanse of nothing. There was a small ripple in the consistency of the barrier to life that loneliness cast. It vibrated and sung and glowed gently in the back of Killua's mind. Something threatening to tear the loneliness apart, exposing Killua to _everything._ Something that Killua could not completely suppress, not completely control, short of suicide.

_Memories…._Killua thought.

Memories of a certain time. Dangerous memories. They were memories of a time where Killua had managed to step halfway out of this world of loneliness. One foot in, one foot out, daring to feel, to touch, to be…warm. Killua also remembered another feeling, one that frightened him deeply. Vulnerable. During this time he had felt and been very vulnerable. Something Illumi had taught him to avoid entirely. Run. Run if you are vulnerable. Run if you are weak. Run if you can't resist. This was the doctrine Illumi had so deeply instilled within Killua's mind. But Killua had not listened, he overcame Illumi's manipulative Nen and the needle injecting into his brain. He had stayed, he had remained vulnerable and because of it he had been deeply wounded. It was a wound that penetrated deeper than any other, there was no veil, no shield, no buffer to slow its force. It shot through every part of his being, ripping through his soul, skewering it on a white hot spear that twisted and turned eternally, barbed with all the memories that had been darkened and formed into cruel spikes. It did not relent. This was a kind of pain that loneliness could not numb and Killua knew now that it would always be there, below the surface, threatening to disturb what little comfort there may be in his accustomed solitude.

_I was born into a prison, _Killua thought, _and when I knocked down the walls to free myself I found only a new prison, but one of which I am not the warden._

_Gon._

The name rung out in Killua's mind like a bell struck by a hammer, an uncomfortable lingering clang.

"_Gon…" _This time out loud.

"Gon…." Killua said his name again, twisting and turning in his shallow rest.

_You are…..you are my prison, Gon…._ Killua hummed internally. It was his last thought before drifting back to a feverish sleep.

Killua woke up later than usual, the sun had not coaxed him from his slumber as it normally did due to a heavily overcast sky. A dampness in the air foretold of a heavy rain soon to come. It took Killua a few moments to let his eyes adjust and become aware of his surroundings. Not that he didn't know where he was but he felt disoriented from a restless night of tossing and turning. He could remember bits and pieces of his dreams, mainly impressions of his emotional distress. These were the dreams that visited often and he knew why.

Killua groaned and tossed the damp bedding aside, swinging his legs out and over the edge of the bed in the hotel room he had been calling home for the last few months. His thoughts slowly became oriented and with it a current understanding of where in the timeline of his life he currently sat. Killua was almost fifteen now, It had been about a year and a half since he and Gon had traveled to the world tree. That was where Gon's quest ended, where he met Ging and finally would be able to ask him all the questions he had been saving up for years. That was where Killua had desperately latched on to a distraction in Alluka, something to help him focus and control his anguish out of sheer necessity as a guardian. It wasn't that Killua didn't care for Alluka, he knew he did, but he also knew that his choice to take Alluka away from the family and become her guardian was based more on his own needs than hers. He hated to admit it but it was the truth. He was grateful for the time he had with Alluka, it had proved to be somewhat of an extension on a life doomed to drown in sorrow and blink out of existence, irrelevant and alone. Killua knew that Alluka had benefited as well. Her liberation from the confines of the Zoldyck estate and the less than honourable intentions their family had for Nanika were reward enough. But just knowing that what he had done was right didn't make him feel any less shitty about the why.

That was all over now though. Alluka was fully trained in her Nen and she had more than enough power to protect herself. Having come to this realization Alluka had decided that she wanted to head out on her own adventure of sorts, to find her identity and purpose. Something Zoldyck children typically never got to do, of course, their purpose was decided from birth, it was to kill. But Killua had freed Alluka from this fate and at least for that, he determined, he should feel some satisfaction.

Somewhere along the way Alluka had fallen quite in tow with Leorio and Kurapika who were both off galavanting and exploring new worlds. Leorio to conduct medicinal research sourcing new and foreign subtances of every kind and Kurapika simply to find a purpose beyond vengeance. Leorio and Kurapika had developed quite a bond as friends, maybe not just friends but more than friends, Killua honestly did not know; and Alluka had decided that she would hitch a ride on their coattails one way or another. Killua had protested at first, of course, but then considering the options, Alluka on her own or, Alluka with Kurapika, an extremely powerful Nen user in his own right, the choice had been obvious. Once Alluka set her mind to something she could not be dissuaded.

Killua looked up from his slouched position at the edge of the bed and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror across the room. He almost laughed at his own image and thought, _In another life, without these scars, someone might have actually thought me beautiful._ Killua flexed his toes and urged his legs to bring him to a standing position. He threw his arms behind his head in a familiar movement, stretching from one side to the other, abdominal muscles coming alive and dividing his torso into rough, chiselled sections. He walked groggily over to the nightstand to check in with the familiar beetle phone.

_No missed calls. No messages. 11:51 AM._

"Just another day in fucking paradise…" Killua chimed cynically. He remarked at how much the last year had aged him mentally. He was still a youth by all of societies definitions but he knew that his own personal experiences took him far beyond that now.

It had been two months since he took up residence in the luxurious Hotel La Grande in Yorknew City. After Alluka left he had decided this would be a fitting place to spend the rest of his days, burning through his millions of Jenny and eventually figure out the optimal time to end it all. If Killua was going to go down as a pitiful mess he would at least do so with every comfort money could buy. The hotel room he had acquired on long-term lease was among the best of the suites Yorknew City had to offer. It was on the top floor with a striking view of the skyline, a large rectangular room with expansive windows in all directions stretching from floor to ceiling with enormously gaudy lacquered wooden frames that might embarrass a king. Thick drapes of red and black velvet with golden silk tassels spilled out around the windows and in extra length over the floor which was a pristinely polished bamboo. The surface of the floor was hard enough to withstand the onslaught of a jack hammer and proved to be excellent for training as not a sound could be heard beneath no matter how hard the impact. The ceiling was textured with murals of abstract gods and angels stretching out to the centre where a domed skylight poured light in like a thick sauce over everything. There was moulding everywhere, the ceiling, the floor, door ways, closets, excessively decorated at any corners or ends with sculpting work in the dense black wood. Furniture littered the space, clashing unapologetically in the most ostentatious manner that any decorator could have devised. Every surface meticulously detailed with the most luxurious materials one could think of. Velvet, silk, satin, wool, gold leaf, leather hides, fine cotton and furs. There was no care given to even attempt a central theme that you could call anything other than outrageous. The patterns on each piece of furniture ranged from distinctly modern to tasteless animal prints and vulgar explosions of colour. All of this to show what manner of things reckless wealth could accumulate, a pure statement of greed. These were hardly Killua's tastes. It was more a humorous jest to himself that he decided to reside in this room. One last pathetic laugh at himself before it was lights out.

Killua wandered over to a seating area where he had bars of chocolate stacked on a coffee table. He grabbed one, peeling the wrapper off recklessly and tossing it in a clump to the ground by his feet. He had no respect for this place. He stuffed the delicious bar into his mouth, eating the entire thing in almost two bites. It was a dark chocolate, some of his favourite, spiced orange with a rock sugar and salt coating. There was a sweet, salty and spicy combination he found to be the perfect foreground for a rich and smooth cocoa flavour. By the evidence of Killua's eating habits scattered about the room, which was an absolute mess by the way, one might think the most unhealthy and careless person in the world lived here. But Killua's years of training and near perfect body mass was virtually unharmed at this point by any diet. One hour of training in conjunction with his superior metabolism would melt a hundred bars of chocolate from Killua's body, his tall lean frame a machine for grinding calories and fat to dust. His body preserved only the protein to maintain his strength, the rest was simply fuel for the fire.

Killua still trained every day, for what he did not know, perhaps it was to ensure he would have the mental and physical fortitude to carry out a specific act he had been thinking of ever since Alluka had left. He grabbed a robe off one of the chairs nearby and headed to the shower room. He removed his underwear and turned the taps on in the enormous walk-in shower, stepping in immediately, unconcerned by whatever temperature would greet him. It was cold, of course.

_Will today be the day I do it?_ Killua thought. Cold water ran through his silver hair, matting it in all directions around his head. It ran down his back like a river in-between strong shoulder blades, rushing into a narrow ribbon across his lower back and below, finding its way eventually to the drain, carrying almost no filth as Killua was nearly always without need of cleansing. It was as if his pristinely white skin resisted any dirt or stain. _All the filth is stuck inside me,_ Killua thought idly. He looked down at his hands and formed them into fists, flexing, beginning the familiar rush of blood into his veins, bringing his whole body into consciousness.

_No…it's not time yet, there's still something I have to do_, Killua recalled. _Gon, I need to tell you everything, I need you to know how I feel, how I felt at that time, when_ you...Killua could not finish that particular thought. He continued where the blank space left off...and_ then when you grant me what I know is assured rejection I will know it is time. That will be the final push that I need to overcome my survival instincts and end myself. A fitting final task for a trained assassin. The hardest target of all, my own life._

It hadn't taken Killua long to understand why Gon's cruel behaviour during his trip of vengeance for Kite had hurt him so deeply. He had taken advantage of Killua's vulnerability at that time and broken every part of his being. Killua understood now, the time he spent with Gon, coming out of his shell and becoming an individual had led him to develop a deep affection for Gon. This was affection beyond friendship, beyond best friends. It was love. Killua fell in love with Gon and only Gon, needing him in his life, needing Gon to see him, to recognize him and to reciprocate that love. Killua sacrificed everything for Gon. At every turn during their adventures Killua had put Gon first, protected him from his own naivety, remained calm when Gon could not. Killua had dedicated his life to Gon, it was the only life Killua knew and Gon had given him that. But like a master who needs to show control over his dog Gon had pulled that life away, with words so harsh, so cruel, so clear…_"this means nothing to you…"_. That's what Gon had said. He had not cared if Killua was standing by his side or across the world at that moment. Yet still even as Gon hurled that epithet through Killua's heart he had not been able to leave. He loved Gon with such roaring passion that upon discovering a disfigured Gon beating Pitou to a gory pulp with his own severed arm Killua could feel nothing but a lovers anguish and need to save him. Killua knew this would be his last act for Gon, that Gon would never truly thank him for it and that it would only leave a larger hole in Killua's soul than he had already known was there. Killua was unable to stop himself then. He had to save Gon. He had to use Alluka, Nanika, to do it. A somewhat selfish act, using anything around him without any consideration for the feelings of others, just, for Gon. The feelings of others didn't matter to Killua when it came to Gon, Gon was his light, Gon was the air he breathed, the water he drank. Gon was all the natural laws that governed Killua's whole being. Killua would have given his own life to save Gon's in that moment, standing beside the shrivelled and burnt body, Gon's heartbeat just barely hanging on. He had tried to give his life as the price for healing Gon but Nanika did not demand it. Nanika granted his commands, without wish, without price. A mercy perhaps. _If only the price had been my life though, then and only then Gon would have truly understood how I feel_, Killua determined.

Killua shut the water off and stepped out to dry himself off with one of the many towels that were replenished by hotel staff daily. Wrapped in the thick white cotton robe he had grabbed off the chair earlier, he snatched up his underwear off the floor and tossed them into the trash on his way out of the bathroom. Killua had dispensed with laundry, he wasn't expecting to be around much longer and had simply emptied a few department stores of their supplies in the areas of clothing necessities and wore a brand new set each day. He had the Jenny to spare, after-all. Killua had taken Alluka to Heaven's Arena after the trip to the world tree and she had easily reached the 200's within a month. Killua of course had spent his time there defeating opponents swiftly and with ease, collecting millions upon millions of Jenny. He had already submitted half into a savings deposit that would be released to Alluka upon her sixteenth birthday but that still left plenty to waste on his way out of this dreary world he found himself in. Killua walked lazily over to his bedside dresser and pulled on a pristine pair of light blue boxer briefs, some ankle socks and a black tank top. He then proceeded routinely over to a large closet where his outer clothes resided and opened the sliding doors to decide what to wear for the day. His eyes glazed over his options, black jeans, purple jeans, beige jeans, a myriad of athletic shorts, all black or blue. Long sleeved black and blue tees. Pastel coloured short tees that he often layered with a long sleeve t-shirt underneath. Looking at his clothes Killua realized he was pretty one dimensional when it came to what he wore. He used to think Gon was that way, what with wearing the same thing literally all the time. That familiar green jacket and matching shorts. But he knew they held meaning for Gon since Mito-San had made them for him and what did Gon care about clothes anyway? Not that Killua really cared either, he realized, noticing the fact that almost all of his outfits looked basically the same. The biggest difference between them was that Killua sometimes wore pants. He figured that was worth a few points.

_I'm looking at my clothes and even in this i manage to bring it around to Gon. FUCK, _Killua screamed internally. He slammed the closet doors violently to the other side of the steel track, his head lowered and teeth grinding. When his small outburst of rage subsided and he regained control of himself his eyes settled on something tucked away in the corner of the top shelf. It was a baggy pair of sweat shorts, dark blue, with a light stripe down the sides. A dark blue long-sleeve t-shirt with a lightly coloured short sleeve t-shirt, almost lavender, were folded on top. Killua's heart beat a little harder. These were the clothes he incessantly wore during his travels with Gon. He hadn't washed them since their last meeting. They still held part of Gon for him, the times he carried Gon on his back, the times they would spar and he would become sprinkled with Gon's sweat, the times they were scattered about Gon's room at Whale Island during their visit, mingling with Gon's belongings. Killua trembled slightly, he reached out and pulled the garments off the shelf and held them closely to his chest. He buried his face in the clothes, inhaling, desperately trying to catch a bit of the scent as tears appeared on the horizons of his eyelids. He wanted to go back to that time terribly, before Pitou and Kite, before everything went so, so wrong. He wanted to live forever in Gon's room at Whale Island, falling asleep to the sound of Gon's gentle breathing at night. Not a care in the world. _This is pathetic_, Killua thought. _Killua the assassin, crying into clothes because they still might smell a bit like the boy he loves most in this world, a boy who does not love him back, a selfish boy that I should have killed for what he did to me. _But he couldn't stop, he wanted to forget everything else that had happened and just remember those simple times with Gon. Those times his heart had sputtered to life, daring to feel comfortable, daring to feel safe, to feel loved. Those times Gon had smiled at him cheekily after saying something completely embarrassing causing Killua's cheeks to flush. Gon had always known how to embarrass Killua, any outward show of affection would have Killua looking down at the ground, heat rising in his ears. If only Gon had known how that affection had been taken, how it had caused a development within Killua's own feelings.

Killua went to lay back down on his bed, the motivation to start his day had left him as soon as his mind drifted to those beloved yet tortured memories of Gon. He curled into a ball, hugging his old clothes tightly, tears streaming into the soft material, choking sobs only reinforced when an accidentally sharp inhale brought with it the scent of things Gon.

Thunder cracked and the heavens opened up outside with a deluge of equal force to the one now pouring from Killua's broken heart, as if in unison.


	2. Chapter 2 - Gon

**Chapter 2 - Gon**

Skip, skip, skip, skip, SPLASH!

"Ah forget it!" Gon shouted out across the water, having thrown the last of the flat little stones he had spent an hour collecting. He sat back down into the grass, peering out over the calm and fluid vista splayed out before him. He found himself coming here more often, a secluded patch of shore on Whale Island that no one knew about. It had one of the most spectacular and uninhibited views on the whole island and more importantly, it was a place he could not be disturbed. It was here that Gon had rediscovered his Nen. After much training, meditation and begging with the ocean, it had come roaring back into his life, stronger than ever. He had accomplished recovering his Nen, a near impossible feat after sacrificing it in that fateful battle with Pitou but he couldn't beat his stupid stone-skipping record. It frustrated him to no end.

"Damnit! Ten times that's all I'm asking for, TEN! But no, you just won't give it to me will you, stupid rock!" Gon huffed in frustration, he didn't like giving up, it just wasn't in his nature. His record was nine. An obnoxious number, it was odd, Gon hated odd numbers. Odd numbers were hard to add or subtract and as bad at math as Gon was he liked to give himself every advantage. That meant avoiding odd numbers at all costs. It just seemed like a terrible place to finish anyway, nine? It's just one before ten, ten seems like a level, a plateau that would be comfortable to sit on. But nine reminded him of sitting in a chair that you felt was constantly trying to offload you. _At least if Killua was here he'd probably easily beat my record and I could call it a day, _Gon thought. But Gon hadn't heard from Killua for a long time. The last he had heard of him was from Leorio and Kurapika who had told him that Alluka was joining them on their next big adventure. Of course Killua had protested but Leorio told him that after Kurapika had arrogantly flashed his aura to prove that no one would lay a finger on Alluka without getting through him, Killua had reluctantly conceded. The last time Gon had spoken to Killua himself was that day they made it to the world tree. He remembered that day so clearly in his mind. It hung to the back of his consciousness like a boat anchor, never letting him move too far away, just enough slack to let him swirl around it, never getting too far.

"_This is no good. If we stay here any longer…" _Gon had said. What had he meant by that? He still didn't really understand but he remembered that he could not bring himself to look Killua in the eye as he said it. It was as if the weight of the words themselves were drawing his eyes down to the ground. _No, not the words themselves, _Gon thought, _the feeling I had when I said them. The feelings were heavy._ But Gon didn't know what those feelings were. He knew it was sad that he and Killua had departed so abruptly but it all made sense at the time, hadn't it? It wasn't just parting ways with a friend though, something else made it that much more significant, he knew. The significance was there, he just didn't know why.

"_Yeah…" _Killua had said in reply to Gon right after, eyes distant, losing their glittering cobalt sparkle momentarily. Gon couldn't shake the feeling that they had been talking about two separate things, neither of which he understood. Whatever Killua had acknowledged was not what Gon had meant or been feeling, that much was clear.

And then there were Ging's words. _"What was truly important came to me before what I wanted."_

Gon had ran all of these words through his mind over and over in this place, trying to understand. He knew there was a connection, something about all these words seemed intertwined, like they should mean something together. They should reveal something to him, something important. He knew Ging was telling him that the experiences and friends he had gathered during the detours of his quest to find him were what truly mattered, Gon understood that. Gon's friends meant everything to him, Leorio, Killua, Kurapika, Shoot, Knuckle and even Palm; they were all friends and would be forever. It was that experience that Ging had wanted for Gon. It was why Ging had sent him on a nearly impossible quest to find him, so that Gon would learn the same lessons his father had. But there was something _more_ to it. Something he was missing.

"DAMN! Why can't I understand!" Gon shouted in frustration while jumping up to a kneeling position and driving his fist into the ground creating a deep impression. At the same time his aura flared upwards, pulling shards of grass and particles of earth with it. His whole body trembled, muscles rippling with pressure, eyes burning that golden flame as his power surged through bulging veins. The surrounding rocks shuddered and sweat moss and soil to the ground. The trees nearby recoiled almost as if in fear, branches flexing back against the powerful wind generated, resident birds taking flight realizing their resting place was no longer so safe. The shore erupted, small fissures appearing in the sand, the tide retreating and not returning at its usual pace. Time slowed down and gravity itself seemed to freeze, no longer able hold command over the objects consumed within Gon's aura.

_Breathe, Gon. Breathe…._Gon reminded himself mentally. He used the technique he had devised in this very place to control his raging aura. It was a simple meditative technique, he would grasp on to a feeling, a blurred image, almost like a fragment of a dream and hold himself there. Something calm and rooted deep within his psyche that brought him comfort. Gon closed his eyes and searched for that moment of blissful peace. It came to him swiftly, flooding over his aura that was boiling around him like thick magma. The heat of his rage gently collided with the calm waves of the memory, turning what was once an undulating inferno into a light mist, steaming up and over Gon's spiked raven black hair and into the sky above.

Gon had managed to calm himself down. He was still prone to the rage, letting his Nen flare up out of control. It was something he had to keep working on or…_it…_ could happen again. Gon's Nen, although returned, was dangerous. It was a balancing act between life and death. If left untethered for a moment it could rip him apart again. As he settled back down some more words popped into his head. Something Ging had said gently as they parted ways at the bottom of the world tree. "Gon, that lesson, it comes with great responsibility. What is truly important to you is also something that gives you great power. Power does not distinguish between right and wrong, that is for you to decide. Remember this." With those words Ging had vanished. Gon had not missed him gravely, he expected their paths would cross again and at the time he had felt like he had the closure he had been looking for. But over the past fourteen months questions grew within him again. What had Ging meant? What power did Gon hold now? Of course Ging was nowhere to be found and Gon figured he wouldn't give him the answer if he could ask for it anyway. Ging wanted Gon to figure this one out for himself. Typical Ging, but Gon would't have it any other way as far as his father was concerned.

Hours passed and the sun began to set. Golden rays encapsulated the little patch of paradise, their long reach warming the edges of the space and framing it with straight blades of light where it cut through the trees. Pale blue lapped lazily against the shore, the sand acting as a cushion silencing any sounds of the impact aside from the gentle fizzle excreted by the oceans water as it retreated back into itself. Crickets chirped enthusiastically, their monotonous drone ricocheting off the scenery. The scents of nature drifted lightly through the air. Fresh grass, sea salt, sticky sweet tree sap and all the mingling aromas of greenery. But to Gon, the most captivating part of this little haven was how the shoreline was tightly courted by a massive array of star magnolia. Their delicate finger like flower pedals peaking out in every direction around the beach, like gentle wisps of smoke. A wall of pinkish white, smelling of sweet and calm. Gon took a deep breath and gazed at the star magnolia. One tree in particular stood out in stark contrast to the grass beneath which was a darker green than normal due to culminating shadows collecting there. It was a large star magnolia, bigger than most and perfectly proportioned. Tall with lean branches sprouting soft white flowers. They seemed to collect in a climax at its peak, a collection of beautiful white silk reaching out chaotically to the stars. Gon suddenly realized how badly he wanted to protect this place, keep it isolated from any harmful forces. Something about staring at that one lone star magnolia stirred a feeling deep within him. It _was_ different from the rest, something about it reflected back at him, like looking at a mirror that reflects memory instead of light. Gon squinted his eyes, the melancholy drifting due to some purpose welling up elsewhere in his mind. There truly was not a more beautiful place in the entire world Gon affirmed as he turned to leave.

The sun had almost disappeared behind the horizon now and Gon realized just how long he had been staring at that tree. It must have been near twenty minutes. He decided it was time to return home and get some food and rest. He kept his mind blank on the way home, thinking about nothing other than where he was going. Jumping from tree to tree, dodging branch after branch. Where was the wind, which way was home, scents flying through his capable nose picking up minuscule details like a hound. He took a different path every day across the island from this place. The journey through the dense forest was part of the experience. The smell of nature, the concentration of life deep in those woods; it all rejuvenated him. This was his real home, after all.

Soon Gon was back at the familiar house on a hill. He prepared and ate a quick meal to replenish his energy before retiring to his room. Gon was home alone as Mito-San was finally taking a vacation. He had insisted upon returning to Whale Island that he owed Mito-San quite a debt, especially since she had sacrificed her youth to take care of him. It was about time he returned the favour and despite Mito's immediate protest to the fact Gon eventually had won her over. He gave Mito-San most of the Jenny he had left from the investment schemes in Yorknew City managed by Zeppile, keeping only a little bit for himself to cover living expenses and any travel. Gon figured he could always go back to Heaven's Arena and earn more quickly if need be now that his Nen was back; although he still had some concerns about…over doing it.

It wasn't long before Gon found himself laying down on his familiar bed, the one he had known his whole life. It was getting smaller by the minute. Gon was nearly fifteen now but he had gone through quite a growth spurt in the last fourteen months. His shoulders had broadened significantly, they were now quite a bit wider than his waist. His torso filled out the space in-between with an upward 'V' pattern ending at the top of his chest. Many of his shirts were tight now, everything had thickened in his upper body. He could feel the striations created by muscular separation throughout his physique. His legs had always been strong for his age, given his propensity for climbing trees and running, but even they were more defined now. His quads appeared out from under the green shorts he always wore leaving barely any space at the hem. He figured he was at least 15 pounds heavier and the groans that came out of the old wooden frame of his bed confirmed it. But nevertheless his bed relented and doused Gon in the usual comfort.

It was only now that he let his mind wander again, thinking back over the last year. After his meeting with Ging, Gon was determined to get his Nen back. He searched the known world for any authority on the matter. Along the way he had run into old friends; Shoot, Knuckle and even Knov-san who was looking a little worse for the wear. He even ran into Leorio and Kurapika briefly before they had taken on Alluka and Gon recalled how he had been surprised by how close they had become. But even after almost a year of searching Gon found no one who knew anything about restoring Nen. It was then that he had resolved that if he was to get his Nen back it would only be through self discovery. This is what had brought him home to Whale Island, where he felt most comfortable. It was here that he could get the peace and quiet he needed to fight an internal battle for his Nen. He had thought about reaching out to Killua but Gon wanted to have his Nen back first. He was sure Killua had gotten much stronger, he remembered a glimpse of Killua's new powers while they were fighting the Chimera Ants. It was very impressive, Gon thought. Killua had been like a god of lightning, hair standing up straight in bolting spikes and his whole body crackling with blue energy. He wanted to see more, he could only imagine what new heights Killua had reached. Gon did not want to disappoint him though with his own lacklustre powers. He had just got his Nen back and had a lot of work to do yet. Sure he had a powerful aura but his Jajanken and other techniques were still a bit uncontrollable. He found himself often trying to simply cut a boulder in half with his scissor technique but instead ended up gouging a canyon out of the earth. Gon always did have a problem with overdoing it he figured but even for him this was a bit much.

_Killua, it's been so long_. Gon thought, rolling over onto his side, allowing himself to slip pensively into his thinking mode again. _When did I become this thoughtful, _Gon wondered. The words came back to him again.

"_What is truly important to you is always something that also gives you great power. Power does not distinguish between right and wrong, that is for you to decide. Remember this." _Ging.

"_What was truly important came to me before what I wanted." _Ging.

"_Yeah….." _Killua.

"_This is no good, if we stay her any longer…."_ Gon.

"Killua…", Gon whispered. _Killua, I have to see you. Something in these words matters and they're connected to you. What Ging said, it's about you or me, or something to do with us, or something that only you and I could know, otherwise why would I keep thinking of these two moments together? This makes sense, _Gon thought. Killua could help him understand. Who cares if his own Nen wasn't up to par, they were friends, Killua could forgive him if he had a little catching up to do!

Gon jumped off the bed heading to his desk and grabbing the beetle phone Leorio had recommended he purchase back in Yorknew City. He checked the time quickly, _good still early enough, only 10:32 PM, Killua's a night owl he won't be asleep yet._ Gon dialled Killua's number, an excitement building inside him again for the first time since he ascended the world tree…..


	3. Chapter 3 - A Strong Resolve

**Chapter 3 - A Strong Resolve**

Killua woke abruptly to a loud buzzing noise. He pulled his face out from under his scattered bangs buried in the clothes he had cried into all day, eyes foggy with a damp crust that had formed while he slept. He groggily ran the backs of his wrists over his eyes trying to clear his mind and figure out what the source of the sound was. Killua woke up often like this, he hated it. He knew he had just spent another day in that state of sorrow he so often found himself in, tears streaming until there was no water left in his system, sobbing over and over, the only respite coming from mental exhaustion forcing him into periods of deep sleep.

There it was again, that buzzing noise. Killua glanced over to his nightstand and noticed the beetle phone skittering across the smooth wooden surface bouncing between change and other small irrelevant items scattered about. He glared at it, eyes habitually focusing intently into a predatory gaze. Killua knew it must be late as the pale glow of the overcast day he had seen earlier had completely disappeared from the skylight which had been painted black by the night sky. Who would be calling him at this time anyway? Killua rolled over onto his stomach stretching his arm out and deftly nudged the dancing phone toward the palm of his hand, dragging it over the bed and in front of his face. He flipped onto his back and sat up crossing his legs beneath him and opening up the phone to see who it was, all the while thinking, _if this is fucking Leorio I am going to rip the lungs from his throat with my bare hands._

It wasn't Leorio. _Gon! But why?_ _This is too soon! _Killua thought. His thumb hovered over the hang-up button. He knew that he might not be in the proper state of mind to handle a conversation with Gon just yet. If he let his emotions slip, if he couldn't control them he might deny himself the chance of ever meeting Gon face to face again and carrying out his final plan. He needed to do this his way.

_Damnit Gon! Always pushing things, always! You're so selfish!_ Killua was torn, the beetle phone kept buzzing and the pressure was building in Killua to make up his mind. _Fuck what do I do! What do I do, _his mind stammered desperately. Killua's stomach turned, he felt like he wanted to vomit, and then, he panicked. A different sound came swiftly.

_Beep…_

Killua stared at the phone in abject horror. When had his thumb moved to the answer button, when had he decided to answer the call? Yet there it was, confirmed by the familiar tone that indicated the call had been accepted. Killua's eyes vibrated, he felt like a baby fox bear caught in the headlights of an oncoming vehicle. Looking down at the phone in shock his mind barely registered the fact that his razor like nails had come alive on his hands, veins carving pulsating pathways out from his knuckles. Then, a voice came loudly.

"Killluaaaa! Killlluuuaaaaa, are you there?" Then more muffled, "stupid phone, probably isn't working right, maybe I dialled wrong? I'm so bad with technology. Hmphf," Gon scuffed.

"G-Gon…." Killua said, unintentionally, like a knee-jerk reaction. He immediately recoiled from the phone in his hand and grimaced at the neediness of his own tone. He didn't even notice the small trickle of blood coming from his ear. He had nicked it slightly on one of his nails while yanking his head back and away from the phone.

'Killua! You are there! So my phone isn't broken, must have been some delay," Gon said.

_Silence._

"Killua…?" Gon again, the prior enthusiasm slipping from his tone a bit.

Killua's heart skipped a beat. The way Gon had said his name, he hadn't heard it that way in so long. There was an emotional hurricane that begun to swirl through his mind; anger, sadness and longing were all smashing into each other forming one enormous and conflicted feeling. Killua's longing caused tears to well up in his eyes so that it was like he was peering through an aquarium but his body was tense and angry, one arm still pressing the outfit he had slept with to his abdomen.

"Yeah, Gon…I'm here," replied Killua after another pause, trying to hide the emotion from his voice.

"Killua!" Gon, brighter again. His voice was deeper than Killua had recalled. Gon had a naturally excitable voice that was always lifted but the deeper and more mature effect could not be overcome entirely by his mannerisms. "It's been so long! How are you? What have you been doing? Your Nen must be amazing! I bet you have all kinds of new techniques, I can't wait…" Gon rambled on for about two minutes leaving no room for Killua to respond. Killua listened passively, still trying to control himself and think of a way out of this conversation without ruining his chances to see Gon one last time. He heard something about Mito-San and a vacation, Gon had found his Nen again, a tree he should see sometime, it was special but Gon didn't know why, Knuckle and Shoot are doing well, more fluff.

"Gon," Killua finally interjected. "I don't have much time to talk right now, I'm fine, what did you call me about, it's late," Killua stated flatly. The words came out a little more harsh and antagonistically than he intended. He had to be careful otherwise Gon would think something was wrong and would start digging.

"Killua are you alright? You sound tense. Where are you?" Gon said, the concern growing in his voice was easily noticeable through the little earpiece of the beetle phone.

"I'm fine," Killua said, this time commanding his voice to sound friendly. "I'm in Yorknew City, I'm just about to head out for a job and it's time sensitive so I can't really talk for long. Alluka's gone with Kurapika and Leorio now so I've taken on some Hunter work," Killua said. _That should keep his concerns at bay and get me out of this quickly, _Killua thought.

"You sound so grown up, Killua!" Gon exclaimed cheerfully.

Before he could stop himself Killua was answering with a childlike whine, "Gon! You always say the most embarrassing stuff!" Killua could hear laughter emit loudly though the phone at this, Gon was seemingly satisfied with the reaction he had got from him. Killua's cheeks flushed, more emotions fell into the blender now churning at maximum speed inside his head. He figured Gon was thinking that this was just like old times. Except these weren't old times, Killua would show him that, soon enough.

"That sounds more like the Kill-u-a I know!" Gon said cheekily.

Gon was infectious, his cute little way of talking was like poison running through Killua's veins. He was in dangerous territory here, this was a poison that he was not immune to. "Gon, get to the point, idiot!" Killua shouted. That was straight Killua he figured.

"Hai, Hai.." Gon sighed, acquiescing. "Killua,.." more serious now, all of a sudden. "I need to see you," Gon said, heavily.

The words dropped on Killua's shoulders like a sack of concrete. _What!? See me? Now? Why now? What the hell is going on, I don't know if I'm ready for this!_ Killua was unsure how to respond but luckily Gon kept going.

"I need to see you Killua because of something Ging said. Well…something Ging said, then something I said and something you said too some time ago but mostly what Ging said I think," Gon rambled. "See Ging said this thing and it's been on my mind with all these other things and I just can't make sense of it but I know it has something to do with you or me or you me and Ging and I think if I see you we can figure it out together! You're smart and there's something I'm just not getting, it reminds me of math, Killua!" Gon sounded desperate at the end, with the mention of math. "So how about we meet next weekend, Saturday, at Heaven's arena? I'm at Whale Island and if you're in Yorknew that should be half way for each of us," Gon said.

Killua's head was spinning. What the hell was Gon talking about? Something Ging said? This was absurd. What the hell could Killua know about something Ging said? Killua's anger was on the rise again, _of course, the first time he calls me it's still about someone else. He just needs me to help him understand a few words? Fucking selfish brat! How can I love this boy? How!? _Killua had dropped the clothes he was clutching to his lap and instead grabbed a bunch of sheets up in a fist, twisting them and trying to wring out some of his rage into the bedding. His nails tore through the sheets and twisted into his own palms, drawing more blood, but Killua barely noticed. _Gon, you….you are such a jerk! How can you just call me out of the blue again, after everything, just for YOU!_ Killua was losing it, he had to get control of himself and answer quickly. One week, Saturday. Was that too soon? Would Killua be ready? He had to be, this was it.

"Ok," Killua said, matter of factly. It was the best he could do against the prevailing winds of his chaotic emotions. "Ok, Gon. One week, Saturday, at Heaven's Arena. Let's meet at the balcony gardens on the 190th floor, you know the ones I'm talking about. How about 8:00p.m.," He let the words out as naturally as he could, trying to withhold his contempt from slipping through the cracks. The single-minded ambition to carry out his final task in this world the only thing keeping his emotional torrent at bay. If he was dragged any further into this conversation then the strength of his ambition would not be enough to withhold the eruption that was building up in his guts.

"Ok, Killua," Gon responded kindly, adding "I can't wait to see you, it's been so long.."

"Yeah…." Killua said, ignoring the affectionate tone in Gon's voice entirely. He was already too far gone, and with that he hung up the phone.


	4. Chapter 4 - Brotherly Love

**Chapter 4 - Brotherly Love**

"There's been some activity," Milluki said, swivelling around a quarter turn in his leather chair to glance at his older brother. "A phone call. It was incoming at 10:32PM last night. It lasted just a few minutes," Milluki stated in-between stuffing his face with handfuls of greasy potato chips.

"Oh..?" Illumi mused, eyes like pools of black oil narrowing slightly. He had his back turned to Milluki, it was hard to look at his younger brother. He was a disgrace, everything a Zoldyck should not be; fat, lazy and weak. Illumi would have killed Milluki years ago if it wasn't for Zeno. _Foolish old man, _Illumi thought_, always getting in my way. It is of no consequence though, Milluki has his uses. _

Illumi forced his body to turn around subjecting himself to Milluki's pitiful visage. As Illumi took in the sight of his younger brother he could hardly keep his lips from twitching with disgust. Milluki was dipping his hand in and out of a greasy bag containing chips that were coated in some orange coloured flavouring. The flavouring kept spreading like a plague across the backs of Milluki's hands as they dived in and out of the flimsy chip bag. Digging more desperately for his snack as the bag neared its end Milluki carelessly allowed the repulsive orange substance to migrate onto the cuffs of his light blue dress shirt where it began to stick like pollen in the sweat moistened cotton. Crumbs that were denied by Milluki's loud chomping cascaded down off his dimpled chin and gathered in the folds of material formed into a wave-like pattern due to thickset rolls in MIlluki's gelatinous form. _A fucking blob, with eyeballs and a hole for stuffing. It's a miracle he hasn't bitten his own chubby little sausage fingers off for an afternoon snack yet, _Illumi opined internally before getting back to the task at hand.

"Send a recording of the conversation to my phone and then delete it from the network records, Milluki," Illumi said flatly. He made sure to include a warning in his tone, one that said if Milluki asked any questions and did not immediately comply that there would be pain and plenty of it.

Milluki not wanting to bite off more than he could chew for once simply nodded as far as the fat deposits in his neck would allow and turned back to face the wall of computer monitors and carry out Illumi's request. "It's done," Milluki said. "Do you need anything.." Milluki began but couldn't finish as Illumi cooly interrupted him.

"No, that will be all," Illumi delivered while turning on one heel and adding with a sideways glance, "if you mention this to Zeno, _I will cut your fat little prick off."_

Milluki trembled visibly in his swivel chair, fat belly jiggling as he threw his hands up beside his face in a pleading manner. "Of course, Illumi, I would never dare!" Milluki stammered.

Ilumi let the threat linger for a moment, his dark gaze hanging in the air like a guillotine over Milluki's head. "Good," Illumi said at last once he was satisfied by Milluki's cowardly whimpers for mercy. Illumi walked out of the dark room and into the hall leaving a fearful Milluki to languish in his own sweat. His feet moved at a slow and rhythmic pace creating hypnotizing echoes from heel on stone that seemed to linger in the hallway behind him. Illumi was glad that he had decided to engage Milluki to keep tabs on Killua's communications. It was convenient and allowed Illumi to wander a little further away from Killua than he would otherwise prefer to be. He always liked to keep a watchful eye over his favourite little brother. _No one can protect Killua like I can, _Illumi thought. _I know what's best for him, I always have._ As he continued his steady pace down the dark hall through shadows and the flickering light of torches lining the walls Illumi listened intently to the recording of the conversation that Killua had with Gon the night before.

_So Killua is going to see Gon again. I thought that little affair was done and over with. Unacceptable, Killua. _Illumi chided internally. _I realize it was Gon who instigated this reunion but nevertheless it is your responsibility to recognize that which brings out the worst in you and avoid it. I think it's time for an enlightening visit from your big brother, my dear Killua._

With that last thought Illumi began his preparations for a swift trans-continental trip to Heaven's Arena from the Zoldyck estate.


	5. Chapter 5 - Perversions

**Chapter 5 - Perversions**

Hisoka looked down at the boy sprawled out before him while he knelt on the edge of the bed. He smiled and realized that it had been a good choice to keep a second room in the Heaven's Arena tower after-all. The 200's were too full of other Nen users, always interrupting, sticking their noses where they didn't belong. Hisoka could deal with anyone in this tower easily but he loathed interruptions. A second room on the 190th floor had been a good choice indeed.

"Are you pleased with me, Hisoka? You're smiling," the boy purred while sitting up half-way, legs straight out in front of him and resting on his forearms. He was a lean boy, perhaps fifteen years of age. He had short cropped chestnut brown hair with matching eyebrows that complimented his toffee coloured skin. His eyes were reminiscent of burnt umber which added a certain polish to his soft appearance. The boys lips were relatively straight and blended in nicely with the warm skin tone, barely different in coloration at all, perhaps closer to a pinkish taupe than toffee but no less sweet. His nose sloped gently, unobtrusive and cute. The boys teeth peeked out from his sultry smirk, shimmering straight and white with a slick overlay of saliva that Hisoka knew was partly his own. His jaw was short, defined and had an athletic look. Hisoka's eyes began to drift and he thought, _this boy has an exceptional neck_. Every time the boy tilted his head to look one way or the other there were these veins that popped up in straight ridges full of youthful vitality. It was something Hisoka looked for in a target, a small fetish you could say.

Hisoka let his eyes fall over the boys perfectly contoured collar bone and out to his lean shoulders that were pinched back and flexed, all the while taking pleasure in each section, like staring at a marvellous statue. He let his vision wander down across a completely glabrous torso. The boys chest was still almost entirely flat, only showing the slightest hint of pectoral development that would come in later years nearing adulthood. His abdomen made Hisoka salivate as here there was more muscular development on the boy than anywhere else. He had six cleanly sectioned abs crunching half way like an accordion on account of the way the boy had himself propped up, pinching tiny folds of his taught skin in-between the symmetrical pathways that framed his stomach. A tight inward navel peaked the scrumptious mid-section like a cherry topping a cake, _and one I've already plucked_, Hisoka thought satisfactorily.

Hisoka's eyes traced the long lines of strong obliques which lead his sights down inevitably to the boys groin causing just the slightest warmth to appear on tanned cheeks. Hisoka didn't linger too long, as beautiful as it was, he let his gaze explore out across the boys legs which also maintained the similar stages of development prevalent with the rest of his body; the only difference being a light dusting of blonde hair that ran from the base of his ankles and up to just above the knee, stopping at the onset of his inner thighs.

Hisoka repositioned himself on the bed so that his knees were to either side of the boys hips. He straddled the boy, using his thighs to squeeze and hold him in place, their groins now in unabashed contact. Hisoka took a deep breath, relishing in the pleasure that came from bare and warm skin on skin contact. If Hisoka hadn't been so tired he might have asked the boy to hit him again, hard, right then and there. But instead he placed his hands on the boys shoulders and pressed him gently back down into the luxurious bedding while planting a gentle kiss on his cheek. Hisoka's red locks were a tangled mess and they hung down like crimson curtains to either side of his face and past that of the boys, providing a solitary moment between them as they gazed steamily into each others eyes.

"Oh yes, Zushi," Hisoka said, sweetly. "It was about time you had a teacher other other than Wing-San, someone a little more….hands on," Hisoka's lips parted slightly into a sly grin as he shifted down slightly. He let his hands slide gently from their position on Zushi's shoulders drawing abstract patterns across Zushi's chest which yielded a few tickled yelps. He let his hands settle at Zushi's waste all the while delicately leaning in to kiss and suck delicately at his neck. Hisoka felt Zushi writhe and moan with pleasure beneath him, he could feel the boys hip bones through the soft tan skin under his hands as he bucked and searched for release, but only half heartedly.

Hisoka recalled the first time he had taken interest in Zushi. It had been after he had run out of things to do while waiting for Chrollo Lucifer to get himself fixed up for a fight. It was so hard to get a good fight these days and Chrollo would have been such a delicious opponent. But Hisoka had been getting bored and for a little entertainment decided to return to Heaven's Arena in the hopes that he might discover someone who could pose a challenge. It was here that he discovered a new young opponent making his way through the rounds of the 200's, Zushi. Hisoka recalled how Zushi, upon seeing him, had immediately challenged him to a fight. Hisoka of course teased him for a while before allowing him the privilege but eventually the boy had proven himself and Hisoka gave him a chance. It was a swift fight, somewhat disappointing. Nowhere near as pleasurable as the fight with Gon had been. But nevertheless, the boy showed a certain tenacity that Hisoka had always been attracted to. He had resolved that at the very least Zushi would make an entertaining bed partner for the next little while. He was surprised to find how easily it had been to seduce the boy. Zushi had already been fantasizing about confrontations with Hisoka turning into spontaneous sexual encounters. It was a fantasy that Hisoka had no reservations about bringing into reality. But his boredom was returning with a vengeance now, Zushi, although still pleasant was yesterdays dessert.

Hisoka raised himself back up, looking down at Zushi again. The boys cheeks were flushed with lust. _He never wants to stop, this one. We've been playing all day and still he hasn't had his fill. I wonder if stamina in this area is a large part of Wing-San's Shingen-Ryu, _Hisoka thought chuckling to himself. "I think that will be all today, Zushi," Hisoka said planting the tip of one index finger on Zushi's button of a nose. "I think you've had enough training for now, my pet," Hisoka chimed.

Zushi came out of his heated trance at this, "Hisoka! Why!? It's only 6:30 and it's Saturday! We can have the whole night together, it will be romantic!" Zushi begged.

"Zushi," Hisoka began, the name rolling off his tongue differently this time, it demanded reverence "did you forget your place?"

Zushi let his head fall to the side, saddened, "no…sorry, Hisoka"

Hisoka moved up and off of Zushi, bringing himself to sit on the edge of the bed. He reached down and grabbed a towel up off the floor. "Good," Hisoka said. "Now wrap yourself in this and go back to your room. I'll let you know if I want you for anything later."

Zushi moved in beside Hisoka and wrapped himself up in the towel, still sitting on the bed. He looked longingly at Hisoka, "can I have one more before I go….please?" Zushi begged.

Hisoka turned his head to look at Zushi, he was like a puppy and just like a puppy he needed a lot of taking care of. Hisoka was not the caring type though and was about to lay a hard hand across Zushi's face to correct his begging nature but his ambition faltered as his eyes fell to Zushi's neck. With his head turned sideways one of those beautiful veins was out for a show. Zushi's life force pumped through that vein protruding attractively from the side of his neck, throbbing from the tension in his body. _I've always been a sucker for a neck like that, _Hisoka thought. He gave in and leaned over to give Zushi one last passionate kiss, taking his time and not wasting the opportunity to run a finger up and down the vein on Zushi's neck with his one hand while the other made it's way up the towel between Zushi's legs. While kissing the young Zushi, Hisoka realized how lucky the boy was. If he had more talent Hisoka might want to kill him for some real pleasure, but Zushi was after all, not the one-in-a-million type, thus not worthy of such an honourable death.

Hisoka was about to end the kiss when he sensed something within his wide cast En. Someone was coming. The quality of this users Zetsu was such that Hisoka had barely noticed their approach. Beyond that there was something extremely familiar about the aura he sensed but he couldn't quite put a finger on it, it wasn't quite recognizable yet. Zushi of course was blissfully unaware of any of these new elements to their situation and kept himself occupied with Hisoka's lips.

All of a sudden Hisoka pulled back, the look of pure shock plain across his face, his mind spinning, _that aura, it's a little different but I'm positive that this aura can only be Gon's! But how…._Hisoka pondered.

"What's wrong Hiso…" Zushi could barely get the words out of his mouth before a loud crash interrupted them both.

The door to the hotel room stood wide open with a completely astonished Gon Freecs standing there, wide-eyed and jaw nearly hitting the floor at the sight of Hisoka and Zushi sitting on the bed together; Hisoka still completely naked with a hand neatly lodged under the towel wrapped around Zushi's waist and between his legs.

Hisoka laughed hysterically at the sight of Gon standing there with his jaw hanging open and shouted out with an expression that could be interpreted as nothing other than pure joy. "Now this is definitely not boring!"


	6. Chapter 6 - A Family Affair

**Chapter 6 - A Family Affair**

Killua stood at the eaves of the rooftop of a building, his feet balancing deftly on the narrow raised platform without concern for the perilous drop beneath. He had chosen this location as the best vantage point to scout the balcony gardens at Heaven's Arena. It was the tallest building he could find near-by with a total of 191 floors, yet still dwarfed by the fourth-tallest tower in the world that was Heaven's Arena. From where he stood he had a perfect view of the gardens which stood out on a large balcony connecting a few sections of the 190th floor of Heaven's Arena. Killua and Gon had discovered the gardens in their prior visit to the Arena. They used to go there after their contests sometimes to get some peace and quiet. Gon in particular had taken to the gardens, the green space an appropriate prescription for his emerging home sickness at the time.

Killua checked the beetle phone in his pocket, it was 6:30 p.m. He still had some time before he was scheduled to meet with Gon. While travelling from Yorknew City Killua had decided that it might be a good idea to check things out a little bit early. He really didn't want any company for their final reunion and even though he recalled that the gardens were almost always vacant he wanted to make sure that still held true. _It would be just my luck that they would be holding some stupid festival or ceremony there tonight, or maybe a dumb wedding,_ Killua thought.

But as he looked out over the gardens on the distant balcony he saw no movement, they were as still and pristine as he had remembered. Killua let out a sigh of relief and closed his eyes as he stood on the edge of the roof, arms spread wide straight out from his shoulders. His toes were hanging slightly over the edge and the wind whipped and snapped at his baggy clothes; they were all black, a pair of mesh-style athletic shorts and a long-sleeve black t-shirt. Killua figured black was the appropriate colour to wear to ones own funeral; but he realized the effect was somewhat lost since he still wore his favourite purple sneakers and shorts weren't exactly funeral attire. _It's oh so very Killua though, Gon will appreciate it,_ he thought sadistically.

He let himself breathe in a slow and heavy rhythm as he teetered on the concrete precipice, eyes closed, arms wide with the wind swirling around him like thick swathes of satin brushing heavily against his skin. His fluffy platinum hair danced and weaved every which way pulling gently at his scalp creating a pleasant sensation. Killua found himself thinking absently, _it would be so easy to just end it here, just lean forward, just a little bit, and let the wind carry me down to rest, let it blow my memories away._ He let the sensations of the world transpire around him, the distant sounds of pedestrians and traffic far below, the whistling gusts of wind that buffeted the numerous structures of the city skyline, the flapping sound of the soft material of his own garments as they tried to tug and pull away from his rigid body. Killua felt a certain comfort at this moment, knowing his time was drawing near. He had waited so long for this, ever since Gon had said those words to him, the words that had turned out the light in Killua's world.

"This means nothing to you…" Gon.

_I'm ready, Gon. Finally, I am ready to face you honestly and tell you how much you hurt me. How much I loved you then, how much I still love you now. I'm ready to see with my own eyes again, to see that I mean nothing to you. It's just like you said Gon, 'this means nothing to you…',and I expect it won't. I expect you'll be disgusted with me. Well, I should be equally disgusted with you, leading me on, treating me like you cared, opening my heart to the world only to crush it and leave it bleeding out, alone. You left me, without even saying goodbye. You would have preferred if I left you a disfigured and burnt mess drowning in Pitou's blood. This time it will be my choice, Gon. I will be the one to leave you alone, my heart crushed and bleeding, this time right before your eyes. Maybe then, you'll understand, Gon. Maybe then._ Killua recited this promise quietly in his mind, over and over as time passed slowly, the wind his only company.

"Practicing your balance, Kill-_chan_?" The voice cut through the air as though nature itself would not get in its way.

_No. Not this. Not this!_ Killua thought, the dread that shot up through his spine at the sound of the voice could only mean one thing. _I shouldn't have been so careless, when did I let my guard down!_ Killua berated himself internally. He almost lost his balance as he swung himself around on the edge violently. What he saw then confirmed all the fears he had felt the moment that unnaturally smooth and calm voice had ripped him from his meditative state.

Across the roof-top, walking slowly towards him was Illumi, one hand on his hip, the other swinging in time with that patient, rhythmic walk so characteristic of his older brother. His slick black hair swung gently behind him, floating as if unaffected by the rules of gravity. He came to a stop a few meters away from where Killua was standing on the edge of the roof. His eyes like pools of black oil shimmered dangerously and seemed to freeze Killua in place. Killua realized at this moment that he had backed up and was now barely standing on the roof at all, just his toes kept him in place, calf muscles straining with the effort.

"You look surprised, little brother. Be careful, you're about one inch away from falling over the edge. I wouldn't want to lose you like this," Illumi cooed slyly.

Killua was horrified. He couldn't move, he couldn't speak, he was drowning in fear and confusion. He had no idea why Illumi was here but the look in his brothers eyes told him that this was no chance encounter. This wasn't good.

Illumi ran his fingers through his hair, strands of black silk retreating through ivory hands and in a voice that anyone could mistake as affectionate said, "Killua, why don't you step down from there so we can chat, hm?"

Killua stepped down from the eave against his better judgment but old habits died hard it would seem; he found that even now, without the Nen needle stuck in his brain, Illumi still had some power over him.

"A-Aniki…" Killua stuttered, putting his hands in his pockets and trying to act casual. He knew the insecurity in his voice had betrayed the attempt already. "What brings you here? Looking to make fools of the Floor Master's in Heaven's Arena?" Killua tried, hoping he could redeem his earlier lack of composure and salvage the situation.

"Oh, Kill-_chan_, it pains me to see you this way. When did you lose all your trust in me. I'm here for you, of course. You're my sweet and innocent little brother, it's my duty to protect you," Illumi brought his hands out to his sides with his palms open in a gesture that indicated he was here on amicable terms before he continued, "I know you're afraid that I would be mad because of what you did with Alluka. I readily admit I wasn't pleased, what with you taking her away from the family business and setting her free. She was very important to us, very important to me, and you interfered with our plans for her, that was quite the naughty thing to do. But Kill-_chan_, nothing is more important to me than my dear little brother, you must know that. I can forgive you for what you did with Alluka…" That last sentence dragged, as if Illumi had sung the words out slowly, letting them drift and fill the space between them.

"A-Aniki, you're not upset about Alluka anymore?" Killua said, astonished at Illumi's words of forgiveness. Maybe there was a way out of this, he had to be careful though, he could not be certain of Illumi's intentions.

"No, Killua, I'm not upset about Alluka now," Illumi said, in a tone that Killua did not recognize from his older brother.

Killua stood staring at Illumi, eyes wide, unable to believe the words he was hearing. Yet there it was, Illumi had said the words and nothing in his demeanour indicated that this was a lie or some sort of manipulative tactic. At this point Killua became increasingly uneasy. Illumi had never behaved this way before him. Somehow the gentleness in Illumi's voice was more terrifying than his usual emotionless drawl. There was something wrapped up in his tone, something Killua hadn't initially noticed but now it was unravelling before him. _Merciful, _Killua thought, _h__e sounds, merciful…_

But before that thought could forewarn Killua of the danger that he was in Illumi had closed the distance between them in a flash, reaching out with one of his long arms and grabbing Killua by the throat. Killua gasped for air as Illumi held him there, dragging him up off his feet so only his toes were touching the ground. Illumi's hand felt like ice cold steel, yet nothing could be colder now than the dark look on his older brothers face and in the black aura that had now seemed to consume the entire world around them.

"But this!" Illumi screamed, a killers intensity burning in his eyes that Killua had never seen, "this I cannot forgive Killua! This reunion with Gon, after everything he has done, it, is, unforgivable!"

How did Illumi know about his meeting with Gon, Killua wondered. It didn't really matter though, there was no changing the current situation. At least Killua understood now what the mercy in Illumi's tone had meant. He was here to kill him before he could make the same mistakes of his past. For Illumi it was better for Killua to die than to be taken away by Gon again, living free and happy. Illumi had not guarded Killua so closely to just let him off the hook again. He must have known that Killua had fallen back into a habitual solitude, he wasn't about to let that change again on account of Gon.

Killua began to chuckle maniacally at the irony of it all as he struggled for air. Illumi had no clue. "Idiot…" Killua whispered in-between choking breaths under Illumi's iron grip.

"What did you say!" Illumi shouted.

"You're a fucking idiot…" Killua spat out at his older brother, repeating himself over and over, louder and louder, resisting the pressure from Illumi's grasp, "Idiot…idiot…stupid, stupid, idiot!"

Killua began to feel enraged. He felt the familiar surge of power course through his veins as his Nen erupted crackling blue energy that pushed back at Illumi's brooding aura. Illumi actually looked shocked, Killua thought, perhaps that's because he had been. Killua was now standing about 8 meters away and was staring at Illumi's back. Illumi was hunched over slightly, clutching the hand that had moments ago been throttling Killua's throat. Killua knew it must burn, he had given his older brother a jolt that would kill an elephant.

Illumi spun around swiftly, regaining his composure and standing up straight, "so, you've got some new powers. Interesting. Electricity. You can thank me for that, Kill-_chan_. I was the one who heavily encouraged your shock treatment as a young child, looks like it came in handy for you after all," Illumi said seemingly pleased with himself.

"Oh it's much more than just electricity, Aniki.." Killua said, using his most threatening tone, "It's thunder, and it's lightning, and I have learned to draw my power from the heavens above into a force you couldn't even imagine." As soon as the words had left his mouth Killua summoned his Godspeed. His hair stood on end in sharp blades pointing to the sky. Killua's whole body flexed, veins popping out of his arms and legs, blue electricity flickering violently around him. His eyes emitted rays of cobalt, as bright as the sun. The sky suddenly opened up and rain began to fall with the cry of thunder causing a concussive force to pass through the air. Large bolts of lightning began to appear, like javelins hurled by some olympian in the sky, creating jagged lines of light down toward the rooftop where Killua and his brother faced each other.

Killua had learned that he didn't need to charge himself with electricity at all to use his powers, he simply had to use his Nen as somewhat of a lightning rod. Once activated, all the power in the sky that nature had to provide was his to use, so long as his body could put up with the energy he summoned.

"You really are a fucking idiot, Illumi," Killua dropped the title of respect reserved for your older brother and called him by his name for the first time in his life it seemed. He saw Illumi regarding him with dark eyes cautiously, not yet ready to approach. "You think I'm here to unite with Gon again on some fucking adventure? Is that what you think this is? What, did you get our fat brother, that piece of shit Milluki, to hack my communications?" Killua noticed a small ripple in the pools of oil that made up Illumi's pupils. "So that is it," Killua continued, laughing hysterically, "you think you're here to prevent that happy reunion, don't you? Well I've got a surprise for you, brother. I came here to die anyway and by my own hand! So why don't you fucking leave me alone!" Killua screamed, he was beside himself with rage. He trembled and all the emotions he had been bottling up for so long began to surface, untethered. Tears began to run down his face, his fists were clenched by his sides. There was no way Illumi was going to stop him from doing this, he was going to fight his way out of here if he had to.

"Killua," Illumi said, a questioning tone, the prior outburst of rage that Illumi had showed seemed to have disappeared, "why would you agree to see Gon if you planned on just killing yourself anyway?" The way Illumi asked the question was direct and matter of fact. He was genuinely curious and seemed completely unperturbed with the lightning exploding all around them.

Killua exploded at the question, "Why? Why did I agree to see Gon? Because I love him Illumi! There, I said it to someone! I love Gon, more than anything! I love Gon more than my own life, I love Gon more than anyones life! I love Gon more than our father, I love Gon undeniably, absolutely and without condition! The time I spent with him, nothing can replace that! Nothing! And all that time I had the hope, the dream that Gon might love me back, " Killua was half screaming half sobbing. "But Gon doesn't love me back, Illumi. It turns out your dark view of the world is fucking correct, I hope you're very proud. But I can't live without Gon, I can't live without his love, and I can't die without knowing that Gon has seen my pain, the pain I went through for him. Maybe then he will feel something, maybe then!" Killua was screaming uncontrollably into the night, unconcerned with who might be hearing him at this point.

Illumi's eyes had changed again, this time they held a murderous gaze even worse than before. "Love…" Illumi whispered through clenched teeth. Emotion appearing on his face for the first time, and it was an ugly one. Repulsion. "Love…" Illumi repeated, the word dripped like acid from his lips, sizzling. "I will never let you admit this, never, you hear me!"

Illumi's aura exploded into a darkness that seemed to eat up all the light in the world. It spanned out from those eyes of his, like a black hole that consumed everything around it indiscriminately. Killua knew he was seeing his brothers real power now, and it was truly fearsome. He knew he was now in a fight for his life. If Illumi won, his life would end here and now. If Killua won, he would at least get that one extra hour, an hour he so desperately needed.

It was as if the heavens were engaged in a war with hell, light meeting dark in fateful clashes as Killua and Illumi began to square off at full force on the rooftop.


	7. Chapter 7 - Kiss and Tell

**Chapter 7 - Kiss and Tell**

Hisoka could not stop himself from simply staring at Gon. Zushi still sat beside him, completely flushed, desperately fumbling with Hisoka's hand, removing it from his private parts underneath the towel. _I have no idea why Gon is here and I have no idea why he barged into this room. I am completely and utterly surprised! It's such a rare feeling! I love it! I love it! Gon! Only you could do this for me, only you!_ Hisoka thought, the excitement in his mind spreading in real effect across his face. He realized now that he was grinning enormously, his eyes peering through red bangs, tongue flickering across his soft, cherry lips. Hisoka could feel a stirring between his legs and realized he was becoming immensely aroused by the whole situation. Gon's head was shifting between staring at him and staring at Zushi, and then staring at where Hisoka's hand had just been; that cute and innocent face absorbing the reality of what he was seeing.

"Ah! I remember now, you two know each other don't you?" Hisoka said with delight, "I'm so glad I could be here for this happy reunion!"

"Hisoka! Zushi! What..what is going on here?" Gon stammered.

"G-Gon," Zushi said awkwardly, "Hisoka and I were just…" but before he could finish the sentence Hisoka had already decided to complete it himself.

"We just finished fucking, can't you tell, Gon?" Hisoka's eyes narrowed slightly and his grin grew even wider as he flicked some crimson bangs out of the way of his face, "and Zushi was just leaving, weren't you, Zushi?" The expression on Gon's face was almost too much for Hisoka to handle. His eyebrows had drawn up to the ceiling of his forehead, his mouth was hanging open and Hisoka could see Gon's slick tongue vibrating slightly behind cute, straight white teeth. He immediately imagined being inside that mouth, Gon's soft young lips wrapped around his throbbing arousal.

Gon had aged nicely since Hisoka had last seen him, his body was more mature, more thick with muscle and Gon's new height only increased his sexual appeal; those raven black spikes of hair further adding to the effect.

Zushi shot up like a frightened rabbit, clearly driven beyond any level of embarrassment he had ever experienced, barely able to keep the towel around his waist as he frantically searched with desperate eyes for a way out of this without having to say anything to Gon.

Gon seemed to compose himself somewhat, a look of concern had now taken over for the prior shock on his face. "Zushi, are you ok?" Gon asked slowly, not taking his eyes off Hisoka completely.

Hisoka stayed silent, the exchange between Zushi and Gon was too delicious to interrupt. He just sat still, unashamed of his exposed body, arousal in full force facing Gon.

Zushi looked at Hisoka and then back to Gon and said, "y-yeah, I'm ok, Hisoka and I were just, well, I guess you have figured that part out by now."

Realizing Zushi was truly ok, Gon shifted his stance wide and pointed a finger at Zushi in a chastising manner, "Zushi! Do you know anything about Hisoka! He's dangerous! Perverted! You can't trust him! You really need to be careful with who you choose to do these things with! You can't just go around _sleeping_ with just anyone, you know? What would Wing-San think of this! Have you told him? How long have you and Hisoka been dating?" Gon was shouting wide mouthed like a mother scolding a child.

Hisoka was trying to contain himself but he simply couldn't, this was just too rich. He threw himself back onto the bed, arms flayed out, feet kicking uncontrollably over the edge as he laughed and giggled hysterically. "D-Dating!" Hisoka was tortured with laughter, he could barely breath. _I could just die right now,_ Hisoka thought, the hilarity of Gon's simple-mindedness was too much for him to take. "Gon," Hisoka was trying to speak in-between ragged breaths interrupted by more giggles, "Gon, you may have matured a bit but oh my you are still so naive! What makes you think we would have to be dating to fuck? I was just having a little fun with Zushi, nothing more," Hisoka managed to eek out between laughter.

Gon's face had turned as red now as Zushi's. "Well, I should probably go… Zushi, and leave you two alone then. I have something I'm here to do anyway and I just sensed you were here Zushi, so I.." Gon's voice trailed off at the end.

Hisoka's knees drew over his chest and he hopped up off the bed in one swift movement, landing on his feet, completely straight, his muscular body tense including his arousal which was bouncing shamelessly toward Gon. "I think you should stay," Hisoka said, "Zushi, go, now!" Hisoka glared sideways at Zushi who had seen this look in Hisoka's eyes before. Zushi took one quick glance at Gon, a glance that said _'I want to stay, I want to see you but, I can't'_ and with that he held the towel around his waist and ran out of the room past Gon.

Gon tried to reach for Zushi as he retreated but his hands were stuck at his sides, unable to move. Hisoka could see Gon strain against the pressure of the Bungee Gum that he had deftly attached while rolling around on the bed laughing. Hisoka had taken advantage of Gon while he was completely shocked at the reality of Hisoka casually having had sex with the young Zushi. Gon hadn't thought to use Gyo, it was a mistake. One that would not have happened if Gon hadn't been so blissfully ignorant of the ways of the world. Hisoka didn't make these types of mistakes, though. Every move he made was calculated, planned and held a purpose toward some greater design.

Hisoka held his hands out to the sides of his hips, palms facing Gon and in a swift movement brought them upwards, hands bending inward at the wrists, fingers curled slightly. The tension of the Bungee Gum yanked Gon forward into the air hard and he landed with a thud against Hisoka's chest. Hisoka wrapped his arms around Gon, squeezing tight, feeling the boys warm body press up against his own naked flesh. The material of Gon's shorts brushed up against Hisoka's groin causing him to thrust his pelvis forward with pleasure as he held Gon in the bear hug.

"Oh, Gon! I've waited so long for this!" With those words Hisoka quickly spun around planting Gon onto the bed and sat on top of him, straddling him in the same way he had done to Zushi, just moments ago. Gon struggled desperately but was without the use of his hands as Hisoka had manipulated the Bungee Gum to wrap around the posts of the bed, stretching Gon's arms out and over his head.

"Get off of me, Hisoka!" Gon screamed, kicking and bucking like a wild animal.

Hisoka slid down the bed, grabbing Gon's flailing legs with his strong hands, letting his finger nails dig into Gon's flesh just a little bit as he used his Bungee Gum to secure them as well. He tied each leg to a separate post, just as he had done with Gon's hands. Gon was now tied down and splayed out like a starfish. He kicked and yanked and writhed but could not break free. Hisoka knew Gon must be confused, wondering why he couldn't break the bed posts by yanking as hard as he could on the Bungee Gum. But of course Hisoka had thought of this too and had reinforced the bed frame and posts with his Bungee Gum, the sticky incarnation of Nen flexing and absorbing Gon's futile efforts.

"There's no use in struggling, Gon, you won't break my Bungee Gum," Hisoka said. Gon looked up at him in horror, eyes wide, trembling with the realization that he was stuck here.

Hisoka brought himself back over Gon, kneeling in-between Gon's legs spread out beneath him He let the warmth of Gon's inner thighs migrate up and through his own bare legs as he stared down at him. Gon was so precious. His teeth were clenched together, grinding, little growls coming out of the boys mouth. His eyes were burning that amber glow Hisoka had become obsessed with so long ago. There was a fresh sheen of sweat on Gon's smooth tanned skin, Hisoka could smell it. It was so Gon; natural, a little salty, but still young and sweet. Hisoka began to salivate as he ran a hand up the front of Gon's shirt, feeling the smooth muscular abdomen underneath. His hand glided effortlessly across the front of Gon's torso, lubricated by the boys sweat. He pulled his hand away and licked his fingers, leaving Gon's shirt pushed up, exposing his slender waist and scrumptious looking navel. The taste of liquid Gon ignited Hisoka's desires, his unique aura began to beam out, a kaleidoscope of colour filling the room.

"Gon, those eyes, that look, your spirit, your flavour, you are _worthy_! You are _worthy_ of being broken by me." Hisoka's blood lust was raging within him completely now. The blood lust was something unique to him and him alone, Hisoka knew. It was the desire to love, to fuck, to kill, altogether. To absorb someone completely, their whole being becoming his to consume. This feeling was reserved for only the most special of people and Gon was _very_ special indeed. Gon was the most desirable thing Hisoka had ever encountered. He had let the fruit ripen long enough, it was time to pluck it.

Hisoka could see that Gon was paralyzed. He saw him try to mutter something through gritted teeth but seemed unable to, likely consumed by his own rage and frustration. _Maybe it's pleasure that causes him to hold his tongue, he just doesn't want to admit it yet,_ Hisoka thought comically.

Hisoka plunged his head down into Gon's belly, sniffing at the boys navel, and then further down to the waist of his shorts. Hisoka looked up at Gon with a smile and brought his fingers to the clasp of the boys adorable little green shorts. He started to unbutton them, taking pleasure in every moment of discovery, tracing lines across Gon's waist, slowly tugging at the flaps of the shorts as they became unzipped and exposed Gon's underclothes. Hisoka had slid Gon's shorts about halfway down his rear-end and was looking straight into Gon's crotch, mesmerized by the feast before him. Gon was wearing a pair of fitted white cotton briefs, so innocent looking. The cotton was somewhat damp with sweat, causing it to cling in all the right places. The soft white material gathered around a very proportionate and attractive part of Gon's crotch. Hisoka traced his finger along the smooth ridge in the cotton, from where it left Gon's body beneath his underwear and ended in a round point between his legs, just slightly to the left.

"Oh Gon, I've waited so long for this…" Hisoka whined with self-indulgence. He moved his head down further, kissing at the waistband of Gon's underwear. His tongue followed the lines of Gon's obliques which lead down and under the elastic waistband, seductively pulling Hisoka's mouth lower. He kissed and nipped gently at the cotton briefs, gently coming into contact with Gon's privates. He could smell and feel that Gon was sexually mature enough for this. There was another fluid of Gon's that Hisoka wanted to taste, after all.

Hisoka raised himself up on his knees again, staring into a horrified Gon. It was like he could see right into Gon's soul. All of Gon's emotions were laid out before him in plain sight, as if scattered out in burning impressions in the air. It was rapture. Hisoka glanced sideways and noticed that it was now storming violently outside, rain was spattering heavily against the windows in the room. _A fitting mood, natures timing is impeccable,_ Hisoka thought.

"Hisoka…please…" a whisper from Gon, so faint.

Hisoka turned his head again to look down at Gon, not quite sure if he had actually said something.

"Hisoka…" Gon whispered again.

Hisoka could see now that he was choking quietly on his own tears, a flood coming from those big amber eyes, like two glistening pendants. The writhing beneath him had stopped, Gon was now limp and appeared completely defeated.

"Hisoka, if you don't let me go now, I'll never… I'll never be able to see Killua again," Gon said, quietly, the pain in his voice dreadfully honest. "That's why I'm here, I'm supposed to meet Killua, just about an hour from here, but if you kill me now, I'll never get the chance. There's so much I still need to talk to him about, I can't die yet, not without seeing him first. I only came in here because I could sense Zushi, I just wanted to see how he was…I didn't mean to interrupt, I couldn't sense you. I promise, if you let me go to see Killua, I'll come back after and let you do whatever you want to me."

Hisoka had never seen Gon like this. He hated it, Gon was weak, defeated, completely deflated. Gon was already broken. Hisoka's blood lust began to fade, slowly being replaced with a feeling that Hisoka had never felt before in his life, _this reminds me of when I was a child, when I couldn't…_, Hisoka pushed the memory from his mind, not wishing to tread in that direction. But even without the memory, the feeling had grown inside him already, it was too late. Hisoka put his hands over his face, moaning, and then looked up to the ceiling and let out a frustrated scream that reverberated and tore at the walls. All the feelings that Hisoka had isolated, sadness, pain, anguish, empathy and even love came flooding in. His aura faltered, the psychedelic colours fizzling away into the air like flames doused with water.

"This is what it means, to care…" Hisoka said out loud, unable to control himself. "You want to see Killua that badly, Gon. You would come back to this, to me, let me do these things to you, just so you could see him one more time…"

Gon stared up at him, eyes bewildered at the transformation that was happening before him. Before he could stop himself, Hisoka was leaning forward and planted a kiss on Gon's cheek. It wasn't a predatory kiss, it wasn't the type of kiss meant to bring about sexual pleasure, that was gone now. It was the type of kiss you might give your little brother, before saying goodbye to him as he wandered out into the world to face it alone for the first time. Hisoka got back on his knees and began to do up Gon's shorts. He gently pulled Gon's shirt back down, respectfully making sure he didn't brush his hands against Gon's skin in any way. He got off the bed and stood beside it, looking down at Gon, for the first time he was no longer aroused.

"Get out of here Gon, and don't come back," Hisoka said flatly. Immediately after he had said the words he looked away from Gon and snapped his fingers, the Bungee Gum that bound Gon to the bed dissipated. _I can't do this anymore,_ Hisoka thought, _this time, it's not right. It's just not right with Gon. I feel for him…differently. I don't know what it is, it's not love, I do not think I am capable of that, am I?_

As Hisoka struggled with his thoughts, looking away from Gon, he had missed the movement occurring before him. All of a sudden he felt a warm sensation around his lower body. He turned his head quickly in response, unsure at what was happening and for the first time in what seemed like eternity, Hisoka was without the ability to react or think.

Time froze for Hisoka. The earth stopped spinning, his thoughts were no longer churning, his instincts were completely shut down. Hisoka vaguely realized that Gon had wrapped his arms around Hisoka in a hug, his head was pressed against Hisoka's stomach, turned sideways, tears still streaming lightly from his eyes. "Thank you, Hisoka" he said, earnestly.

Hisoka could feel the boys black spiky hair tickling the skin on his chest. As if driven by a force beyond his control, Hisoka wrapped his arms around Gon gently in return. From some place outside his own body he watched himself whisper, "_I'm sorry, Gon."_

After a moment, as they remained in that embrace, time began to move forward again. Hisoka regained control and managed to remove himself from Gon's arms. "Go now, Gon, before I change my mind. Killua will be waiting for you," Hisoka said, somewhat disgusted by the sound of affection in his own voice. When had there ever been affection in his tone? He looked down at Gon one last time and saw him nod confirming that he understood the hasty instruction. Then, Gon turned and ran out of the room, leaving Hisoka bewildered and confused.

Before Hisoka could even begin to process everything that had just happened, he was hit by another sensation. This one not of his own doing. He detected a strong and distinctive aura within his field of En. He had never let his En drop but throughout his bloodlust and the distraction of these strange and new feelings for Gon he had simply not been paying attention. But there was no mistaking it, _Illumi,_ Hisoka thought, _what are you doing here_.

And then it dawned on him. _Killua! Illumi you are here to stop Killua from seeing Gon!_ Hisoka felt compelled, the strange emotions boiling up inside of him again. It was then that he realized where the storm outside was coming from. This wasn't natures doing, it was a fierce battle between two powerful Nen users fighting all out, to the death, using every ounce of energy their spirit could muster. Hisoka could never mistake that sensation, he lived for it.

Again, as if seeing himself act from a place outside his own body, Hisoka watched as he jumped out the window, shards of glass exploding outward into the sky, his willpower useless against whatever force was driving him toward the two monstrous auras, locked in battle.


	8. Chapter 8 - Broken

**Chapter 8 - Broken**

Killua was breathing heavily and staring at the ground, kneeling somewhere on the roof where his fight with Illumi had begun. His clothes were soaked from the downpour he had caused; the cotton of his shirt was clinging to his body, rising and falling with his chest and tattered from the process of the battle. Killua's eyes were shining like sapphires, reflecting the arcs of light dancing wildly around his body. Blue crackle snapped, sliced and broke the air around him. Blood ran from Killua's mouth where Illumi had landed a hard blow. Killua could taste the blood as it mixed with the rain water, a warm and salty flavour, not entirely unpleasant.

The rain was useful, Killua had realized some time ago. When he had first discovered he could use his Nen to summon a storm and utilize that power with his body acting like a lightning rod, the rain that came with it seemed to be an objectionable side effect. As it turns out, you can't ask the sky for thunder and lightning without getting a little rain; and in Killua's case, he was typically quite demanding of the sky which resulted in a lot of rain. But then he realized he could add current to the droplets of rain sending down a hail of electricity on unsuspecting foes. Killua could also charge pools of water that gathered on the ground, creating a battlefield full of electric land mines. There were endless possibilities of how he could meld the water with charge and use it as a weapon, he knew he was only scratching the surface of what he might someday be able to accomplish. The only downside was, he would always get very, very wet. _It's a fair price to pay,_ Killua figured.

But Illumi had shrugged off the electric hail and had been simply tickled by the electrified water on the ground, giggling a little as he walked through a large puddle. So these two techniques weren't helping Killua at all in this fight. He was just now witnessing the true depth of his brothers skill and power.

Killua looked up, he could see Illumi standing a fair distance away, hand still outstretched from his most recent attack, a constellation of Nen needles that Killua had barely managed to dodge with his Godspeed. Illumi's pitch black hair was blowing wildly in the wind; even though it must have been thoroughly drenched from the torrential rains it somehow maintained a graceful weightlessness. Killua found it remarkable that even though he was using his Godspeed, Illumi was almost able to keep up at every turn. Killua had known he would not be able to match Illumi in the area of raw strength, but he assumed that he would definitely have a great advantage when it came to speed. The fact was, he no longer had a time limit on his Godspeed and could now maintain it for long periods of time; the lightning in the sky providing an unlimited charge, so long as Killua's body could handle it. But he was coming to the realization that his speed advantage was only very slight and practically made irrelevant by Illumi's cunning battle experience. It was a realization that had likely come too late.

"You are simply delaying the inevitable," Illumi shouted through the rain, retracting his hand from the throwing position it had lingered in and leaving it by his side. "Come to me, Killua, give up. You cannot defeat me, I will end you quickly and without pain," Illumi's flat emotionless voice had returned for the moment. He immediately leaped into the air, one knee up by his chest as he threw a hand forward in a sweeping arc releasing another barrage of Nen needles charged like bullets.

Killua barely had time to react, leaping sideways to dodge the needles and then backwards just in time as Illumi followed up with a secondary attack; dropping his raised knee to the ground, shattering concrete where Killua had been just a fraction of a second ago. Illumi stood up calmly, debris falling from the knee he had just hauled from the indent in the roof, completely unscathed.

"Is that all you can do, Killua? Run away? I thought you had learned to overcome your fear of opponents who were stronger than you," Illumi said, his voice carrying a hint of sarcasm.

"That's not true!" Killua screamed back, defiant. "I'm not running away, I'm facing reality for the first time, I've learned to accept my feelings for Gon as something I can't run away from. That's why I'm going to face him, this one last time. I have also learned that I am not afraid of you, _big brother_!" He hurled those last words like a knife, aiming for the heart. Killua saw a small flicker of anger in Illumi's dark eyes and was satisfied that the effect had not been entirely lost on him. _I've been buying time, hoping I could think of a way out, spot a weakness in his form, but there's nothing! I barely have enough time to dodge his attacks, let alone counterattack. I've tried my Thunderbolt and Thunderpalm and he easily deflects them. He's always one step ahead of me, even though I'm technically faster it doesn't matter, he knows where I'll end up._ Killua's thoughts were running wild, he was thinking through every possible scenario and still could find no way out. If this wasn't the most important moment in his short life, he might have taken the time to be impressed. _Shit! I hate you Illumi, even now you're denying my freedom. Denying the freedom to choose how I want to die! I won't let this happen. No, this time, I'm not giving up, you cannot take this from me, Illumi!_ With that last thought, Killua had made a decision.

"Illumi!" Killua shouted to his older brother who was staring directly at him. "Let's see you block this, asshole!" Killua knew he was on the verge of losing his chance, the chance to see Gon one last time, the chance to free himself of all these emotions, expose them to Gon and liberate himself from that prison. If he couldn't stop Illumi, that chance was gone. To risk his own life now, it was nothing, his life already hung in the balance of this battle.

Killua stood up straight with his feet shoulder width apart and raised his hands to the sky, palms facing upward. The rain ran down his arms and over his body like a flood, his clothes now like a second skin. The only thing not affected by the downpour was his hair which still shot upwards in jagged spikes. He could almost laugh, this technique had all the flaws of Gon's Jajanken; it required a long charge time and was painfully obvious. It also used up an enormous amount of aura, if not all of it, just like the Jajanken. To miss with this was to lose the battle. Killua was taking a risk and betting that his brothers ego would prevail. Illumi would want to be steadfast and prove that any and all of Killua's efforts were in vain. At least, that's what he was counting on. _But this time, brother, your ego is going to be your downfall, I'm not holding anything back, and this is far more powerful than a Jajanken._ Killua's resolve was set.

"What exactly are you doing with your hands, are you praying, Kill-_chan_?" Illumi said with a small chuckle. He had moved into a defensive posture. Killua was right, Illumi planned to block this.

Killua refused to answer Illumi's question and began to charge his final attack. He knew there was no turning back from this, just using it might be suicide at this point; but if anything was going to take down Illumi, it was _The Hand of God_.

Blue electricity flowed in a uniform pattern up around his body in a seemingly endless stream starting at his feet and gathering in the palms of his hands. The wind picked up and followed the same direction, it whipped and pulled at Killua's clothes causing them to ripple as they tried to pull away but were caught up in his lean figure. His baggy shorts were lifting slightly exposing the impressive thickness that had developed in Killua's thighs. You could see glimpses of his pale skin stretched over muscle like cut marble though tears in the black shirt as it yielded to the wind. At this moment Killua was truly a fearsome yet magnificent sight.

The sky seemed to answer in agreement, bellowing fiercely, splitting the atmosphere in two and causing the roof beneath them to shudder. Lightning intensified, shooting wildly downward and forking in all directions around the tower on top of which they stood. The rays of light reflected off the heavy rain and cast a blueish hue over the city. Killua stood still while a hurricane of wind, water and light erupted in the world around him. Then, he closed his eyes and time froze.

From Killua's perspective it was as if a single second had been expanded into a minute. In this moment, everything was motionless. He no longer felt the rush of electricity, the rain no longer ran down his arms that were reaching to the sky and the sounds of booming thunder had dissolved. Killua could not even hear his own heart beat, it too had paused. Everything hung in the balance of the moment. It was in this void of time that Killua recited the condition that had to be met for him to unleash his power.

_Heaven's, give me your light, give me your voice, I am your conduit, we are one._

Killua opened his eyes, they burned with a cerulean luminosity so intense that even Illumi had to use his hands to protect his vision slightly. Killua's body became even more tense, his muscles trembling with the strain as he was being consumed by power, pushed to the limit. All of a sudden the lightning in the sky combined into a pillar of azure radiance that reached toward the upper atmosphere and rested at its base in the palms of Killua's hands. The shaft of light soared upward at a distance further than Heaven's Arena, further than the eye could see, its end point perhaps only visible from space. Killua could see a new expression on Illumi's face, one of genuine surprise, concern and maybe even fear. Killua took some pleasure in the sight.

He slowly brought the palms of his hands together directly above his head and connected his index fingers and thumbs together creating a diamond shape. The power surged more heavily, downwards and into Killua's hands. The pillar was now completely rigid and straight, its flow focused and synchronized. He could see Illumi change his stance just slightly, taking Killua a bit more seriously.

_Now!_ Killua thought, realizing the moment had come to unleash all the wrath that had collected above him. He swiftly brought his hands holding their diamond shape out in front of his chest, arms rigid and aimed directly at Illumi. The beam of light emptied itself directly into Killua's body and instantly his aura flared out tremendously almost engulfing half the entire roof, wild blue crackling all around.

"Hand of God!" Killua screamed in a voice that roared as if amplified by a chorus of thunder. All of the power that had gathered in that shaft of light stretching impossibly into the sky above rushed forth from his hands in a beam so wide and dense that it was impossible to dodge. The pain Killua felt now was unimaginable. He had asked for everything and the sky had granted it. Killua knew that he likely had over a hundred billion volts running through his body and the fact that he had not yet turned to ash was astonishing. The energy surged through his blood, boiling it, burning at the walls of his veins, threatening to explode outward and obliterate him entirely. It was as if the sun itself had reached out and wrapped Killua up in a solar flare. Killua screamed in pain, tears not even able to form as moisture could not survive this heat. Yet something drove his body to hang on, his aura keeping him just on the verge of destruction. Killua willed the power forth, through his hands, forcing the energy, the electricity and all of the heat outward toward Illumi. He was not going to be denied.

"Die!" Killua screamed through the pain.

The beam of lightning rushed forward at an impossible speed. Killua held his palms out, unrelenting, the flow of energy endless. Then, he saw his brother react. Illumi crossed his arms over his chest and formed his hands into fists. His aura oozed outwards into an opaque sphere around him, droplets of rain bounced off the black shell, unable to enter. His hair spread out within the black sphere in a fan like shape behind him. No matter existed within the spheroid darkness, except for Illumi and those liquid black eyes. They were cold and staring straight back at Killua through the light rushing towards him. They were angry.

And then the beam hit and the world went dark. The sound of the impact plunged the city like an earthquake. Buildings trembled, nearby panes of glass shattered and rain water exploded outward from the force of it all. Killua was knocked back, tumbling over and over. He dug his sharp nails into the rooftop, pulling up shards of concrete while sliding on one knee and just barely managed to stop before falling over the edge. His body was in a terrible state, he could hardly lift himself off the ground and had settled onto his knees. He couldn't breathe for a moment, it seemed as though there was no air left in the world. The force of his attack had created a temporary vacuum in space burning the oxygen away. His aura was almost completely depleted. He only had enough left for maybe one burst of Godspeed, but that was it. He knelt there panting as the air flooded in and steam rose from the rooftop; the heat generated by the explosion had vaporized the moisture. Killua waited, hoping the steam would clear and reveal a charred corpse that had once been his older brother. Everything was silent, there was no rain, there was no thunder or lightning, the sky was calm as Killua could no longer summon the storm. He was completely and utterly depleted.

_Silence_.

Killua's eyes strained through the fog, yet he saw nothing. Could Illumi have been vaporized as well? What was that black sphere he had seen at the last moment as his attack had charged toward Illumi? Could that have done anything?

"Killua," came a soft voice, like an apparition in the fog.

Killua could still see nothing. _Am I hearing things? Did that surge of of power drive me mad?_

Killua continued to peer into the steam and then he saw something. A dark shadow began to form amidst the grey wall of mist. It spoke and with each word Killua's heart drowned deeper and deeper into despair.

"Killua. Do you have any idea how long it took me to grow that hair? My beautiful, long black hair. It was perfect, it was mother's favourite. Now look at me!" Illumi screamed the last words and appeared suddenly, leaping through the barrier of fog and landing before Killua. His hair was charred leaving only tufts of it protruding from his scalp. His clothes were ragged and burnt. The damage was superficial but nothing about Illumi was now familiar except for his eyes which were still shimmering pools of black oil. "Look at what you did to me you brat!"

Illumi reached out once again and grabbed Killua by the neck, lifting him up from his knees and into the air, choking the life out of him. His grip was ten times stronger than it had been before and he stared directly into Killua's eyes. There was no mercy in Illumi's eyes anymore, that was gone. His expression was one of cruelty, he would make this hurt.

Illumi loosened his grip just slightly while speaking, "I'm going to hold you here, choking you slowly, as my fist crushes the life from the rest of your body. When every bone is broken, every muscle torn, only then will I allow the rest of the air to leave your body. Oh and don't think you'll pass out on me, Kill-_chan_, I'll be keeping you alive with my Nen needles. I'll make sure you feel every second of this for what you've done!"

Killua had never felt so alone and afraid. He was going to die, like this, never to see Gon again, never to be able to confess his feelings and show Gon the pain he had caused him. Worst of all, it would be Illumi, the same brother that tortured him throughout his young life would be torturing him out of it. Killua let his head fall forward, relenting and giving in to Illumi's grasp, defeated. _I have nothing left. I can't do anything! This keeps happening, I can't do anything! I'm so fucking useless!_ Killua's thoughts began the torture that he knew would only get worse once Illumi began.

It was only a moment later that Killua realized what was happening. He felt cold hard concrete against his cheek. His body was flush with the surface. _The ground?_ Killua thought, _what am I doing on the ground, did Illumi throw me down? Does he plan to smash my bones here?_ Killua struggled to raise himself to his hands and knees, expecting a hard blow to meet his attempt and send his teeth into the roof. But nothing came. Nothing but a voice, one that Killua could not have expected to hear in this moment, not in a million years.

"Go! Now, Killua!" The voice was clear and urgent.

Killua looked up, completely dazed and what he saw confirmed his wildest expectations. Hisoka was down on one knee beneath Illumi's arm, the one that had been outstretched and holding Killua in the air. Hisoka was holding onto the hand that Illumi had been choking Killua with, pulling it downward and over Hisoka's other arm which was raised above his head, forearm to the sky like a brace. Illumi's arm was bent at the elbow in an unnatural direction. Hisoka had swiftly and violently broken Illumi's arm.

"Killua, do not make me regret this decision. Stop staring and go!" Hisoka yelled.

Illumi was searching wildly, his eyes like a feral beasts unable to understand why his prey was no longer within grasp. "H-Hisoka, what are you…" but he couldn't finish the sentence.

Hisoka had stood up letting go of Illumi's shattered arm and grabbed the clothes at his chest, pulling Illumi close. Killua could only see Hisoka's back as the jester whispered something into Illumi's ear. The look of horror on Illumi's face told Killua that whatever it was, he didn't need to know.

_I don't know what Hisoka is doing or why but I'm not going to ask. This is my chance, I have to take it,_ Killua decided. He summoned the very last of his aura to ignite his Godspeed and leapt off the roof in a flash over and down to the balcony gardens where he was scheduled to meet Gon, just in time.


	9. Chapter 9 - A Trembling Awareness

**A/N: Just to let everyone know, this is not the final chapter. There will still be one more to go. Thank you to all who have read this far! Your feedback and reviews are appreciated more than you could know! Update: When I first posted this there was a typo, but it was a bad one! I am sorry that I missed it but it's now fixed!**

**Chapter 9 - A Trembling Awareness**

Gon ran down the hallway of the one-hundred and ninetieth floor of Heaven's Arena. The encounter with Hisoka still lingered in his mind. Even though what Hisoka had begun to do to him would have ended in an unforgivable act, he had pulled back at the last minute and redeemed himself. For that, Gon was sincerely grateful. Gon could forgive him for what he had almost done. He could forgive anyone as long as they showed that they could change in the end. Gon figured this is what made him who he was, his ability to forgive, his ability to give someone a second chance, it was simply a part of his character. He knew that his unbridled mercy sometimes frustrated others but he had always offered everyone this opportunity, why not Hisoka? It was Gon's ability to treat everyone as a new person that had lead to his perfect friendship with Killua right?

In the end what was important to Gon was to make up his own mind about things. He didn't want to listen to what society said, he didn't care about consensus, he would draw his own conclusions about right and wrong. Gon only cared about what was true in his own heart; and during that confrontation with Hisoka, near the end, after all the selfish and despicable desire that Hisoka had shown, he had seen something else in his eyes. They showed a sorrowful expression, one of tragedy, pain and regret. The dark spirit in them had completely dissipated and was replaced by a look of genuine tenderness. Strangely, Gon could tell in that moment that Hisoka cared for him, in his own way. He saw that Hisoka was horribly conflicted and that he must have been keeping those feelings buried deep within himself, behind the dark facade. Somewhere inside that jester's soul was a human being, as fragile and flawed as the rest of us. Whether that part of him could ever really be awakened permanently Gon did not know but at least there was a glimpse now; it was that shred of humanity that Gon had embraced.

_I've learned so much, grown so much emotionally. Killua, I think you most of all would be proud._ Gon thought as he ran down the hall toward the balcony gardens. The prior excitement he felt when he had left Whale Island had returned fully now. His heart was pounding with an intensity and level of anticipation that Gon had never felt before. It truly had been so long since he had seen Killua, how had they drifted this far apart? There was a time when Gon never even thought of being apart from Killua for a second, it was unimaginable. Why had they separated?

Gon found his mind drifting as he ran down the hallway. _That time, on Whale Island,_ Gon thought. _I was so happy. Everything felt so right. It's not that I'm not happy now but it was different then, what did I say?_ The words came to Gon suddenly, a distant impression buried deep in his subconscious.

_'__I'm happy when I'm with you, Killua.'_

That's what Gon had said the first night they camped out on Whale Island together. _I remember everything from that night,_ Gon began to let the memory wash over him. _We cooked food over the open fire, we talked about all of the adventures we had experienced and I told him all about Mito-San and what I knew about Ging. Killua had listened to me so intently I recall, he let me ramble on and on. He gave me the confidence I needed to find Ging, I knew with him that I would. He had just agreed to join me and help, asking nothing in return. Killua, I just realized how much I miss you. You were always by my side, I was never afraid when you were there. I wonder if you knew how much I depended on you. Did you ever find out what you wanted for yourself in our great journey?_ Gon was nearing his destination now, a wide grin had spread across his face as he visited the memory of that time.

Gon reached the door finally and burst through into the gardens. They were exactly as he had remembered them. Gon took a deep breath inhaling the relaxing sight of nature and feeling immediately more at home. The gardens were not enormous but they made up in density for what they lacked in footage. Dozens of Yoshino Cherry trees lined the semi-circle balcony that jutted out from the tower; they were packed tightly in planters with elaborate wooden bases so as to block out the view of the city below. The cherry trees were in full bloom, their five petaled blossoms creating a uniform border of nature forty feet tall that tenderly caressed the inner gardens. The magnificently landscaped gardens featured cobblestone walkways lined with deftly trimmed shrubs that wound gently around pockets of colour. There were flowers and blooming plants of all kinds, their magical tints adding to the canvas of serenity that was this place. But more than anything, there was a spot at the centre of the gardens which held a home in Gon's heart. A small pond of water lilies was spanned by an arched bridge of plain wood spotted with soil and moss, as if it had grown out of the soil itself. The vast array of colours in the space seemed to reflect off the water in the little pond, adding a soft glow that emanated upwards and through the bridge. It was as if the little structure itself were a delicate rainbow floating on the water. As Gon took in the sights he felt a moment of complete consanguinity with the gardens. _So beautiful, I can't think of a better place to see you again, Killua_.

That thought had provoked Gon to look for his friend. He began to traverse the main cobble stone walkway that lead to the mossy bridge. Gon figured that Killua would be here any moment and would probably think to look for Gon there too. Gon stood at one end of the little bridge, his heart pounding in anticipation. How would Killua look? What would they say to each other first? There was so much to talk about and Gon had so many questions; the words, the things Ging had said, he couldn't wait to hear what Killua thought.

Gon was abruptly pulled from his rumination when he saw a flash of blue light. All of a sudden, Killua had appeared out of nowhere at the other end of the bridge; a sonic boom followed quickly after causing the cherry blossoms to shudder, a few desolate petals falling to the ground. Gon stepped forward quickly to see his friend for the first time in ages and then stopped.

_Killua, you're…_ But Gon couldn't complete the thought. The shock was too much. All he could do was stare, wide-eyed and bewildered. Killua was down on one knee, panting hard. He looked like he had been through absolute hell. His hair was soaked and scattered messily in all directions. Blood was running from the corner of his mouth and had trickled down his neck leaving a red line that ran under his shirt. He was dressed in all black, a long sleeve shirt and black mesh shorts. There were tears everywhere in his clothes, it was a miracle they were still on him. Gon could see Killua's body through some of the holes in his garments. His muscles looked fatigued, veins were still prevalent throughout his figure, the lasting effects of a strenuous effort apparent. Gon could see scars and bruises scattered across pale skin, skin that shone like moonlight. Killua's eyes were hidden by the shadow cast by bangs of silver hair. Gon felt uneasy, what had happened? Why was Killua like this? Gon willed himself to speak.

"Killua!" Gon shouted, perhaps a little loud given their solitude.

_Nothing_. Gon could only hear ragged breaths coming from the other boy, he had not yet looked up. Gon tried to will his body to move, to see if Killua was ok but somehow he was frozen. Something inside him, a dread, was welling up and holding him in place. He yanked and pulled at the chains that held him but he could not break free. He went to speak again.

"Killua! Are you ok? What happen…" Gon was cut off by a look as cold as ice.

Killua had raised his head and was now staring at Gon through wet wisps of his hair; the cobalt blue eyes held a glacial quality, they were impenetrable. Gon hesitated at the look but was not yet deterred entirely. "Killua, what…what's going on?" Gon stammered, barely, his voice weakened by the shocking state of his friend.

"Shut up, Gon." Killua, cold. "Shut up. Don't say another word right now."

Gon regarded his friend in horror, this was like a nightmare, a bad dream. Everything was all wrong, the world had turned upside-down. This was a happy reunion, why was Killua looking at him that way? Why did he tell him to shut up? "Killua! I don't understand," Gon began but was cut off again, this time not by a look but by words.

"Gon!" Killua screamed, finally dragging himself to his feet, fists by his sides, shoulders back and chest out. "Shut up and let me do the talking! There's something I have to say to you, something you need to hear before it's too late!"

Gon dared not say another word. _What is going on, why is Killua like this right now? Did someone do something to him?_ Gon's mind was spinning endlessly downward trying to figure out what possibly could have lead to this circumstance, but nothing made sense. He waited for Killua to speak.

"Gon, listen carefully as I am only going to say this once and there isn't much time. I don't know how much longer I can hold on to myself, so just listen, ok?" Killua's words were finally more stable, but they pleaded.

Gon nodded, unable to take his eyes off Killua.

"Gon. We've been through a lot, you and I. I respect you and that's why I'm here. If this were anyone else, it would not be this way. You would not have seen me again. But because it's you and because of what you did for me once, I still after everything owe you at least this," Killua said.

_What does he mean, after everything?_ Gon thought.

Killua continued, "Gon, when we first met, I was in a dark place. I was born in darkness, trapped there, until I met you. You were my light, Gon. You pierced the darkness, shining so bright in that way you do and pulled me up from the depths. You caused my soul to tremble into consciousness, to feel for the first time. I had a friend, I had hope, it was everything I could never even have dreamed of. I followed you to the ends of the earth, I endured every hardship I could for you, if only it would get you to where you wanted to be. You wanted to find Ging so terribly and I wasn't going to let anything get in the way. When you fell, I carried you, when you were lost, I found you, when you were dead, I brought you back to life. There is nothing in this world I would not do for you, Gon Freecs, because.." Killua paused. His eyes had deepened in colour, their blue so intense Gon thought they might blind him.

Killua was now trembling, trying to keep himself upright but barely able. Gon wanted to reach out, to jump forward and hold him but the dread inside would not let him go. It still kept him locked in place, its power greater than ever, preventing not only his movement but his voice. Gon then heard the words that would give him all the answers he had not even known he was looking for.

"Because…Because," Killua was desperately trying to overcome his choking sobs, "Because I love you, Gon!" With those words Killua collapsed to his knees, his voice had been pained, and heart wrenchingly tragic. The words had come out violently, as if they tore strips off Killua's throat causing it to crack and break over Gon's name.

Tears were flowing from Killua's eyes, his lips were trembling. Gon could only watch in agony, unable to move, unable to speak, unable to even cry in response.

"You once said at Whale Island, Gon, that you were happy when you were with me!" Killua screamed, down on his knees, slamming his fists into the bridge beneath them.

_I am happy when I am with you, Killua!_ Gon returned forcefully in his mind, willing the words to come out but they didn't.

Killua went on. "You once said that it had to be me, by your side, remember Greed Island, with Razor! I stayed by your side, my hands tattered and torn!"

_Killua, It does have to be you by my side, who else could there ever be? If I could take those hands in mine now, I would take them and never let them go!_ Gon's heart was crying out with the words but they never reached his lips.

Killua kept going, his flood of tears causing the mossy bridge beneath him to glisten, "Gon! I never betrayed you, I always cared for you, the only crime I committed was that I loved you! I know you think it's wrong, for a boy to love another boy."

_I don't think it's wrong, I just never realized it could be so!_ Gon's heart cried out, but again the words were not there in the space between them and Killua's screams were uninterrupted.

"But you are the one I love, I cannot stop being who I am! Is that enough of a reason for you to do what you did to me? To turn your back on me and say 'this means nothing to you!'? And then you left me alone, you cut me out, you went off to die with Pitou. You left me just after you had brought me to life with your own bare hands! I know Kite meant a lot to you, he meant a lot to me too, but did I mean _nothing_ to you? Do my feelings for you _disgust_ you that much?" Killua had turned his eyes upwards again and was looking at Gon with a magnitude of emotion that he could not begin to describe.

Gon could not move, could not speak, could not think. The agony he felt at that moment as the volume of what he had done dawned on him and was unimpeachable. He had no words to apologize for this, there was too much ruin in Killua before him, ruin that was Gon's own doing. Gon wanted to take everything back but that was impossible.

Killua's sobs had slowed and his expression had changed into one of intent. "I can see you have no words, Gon. It's okay, don't say anything. This is what I was expecting. I had already seen this outcome before I said the words to you. But I'll say them again, Gon, I love you. I love you Gon Freecs. I love you and this is goodbye."

Kneeling before Gon on the bridge, Killua raised his right hand and exposed the razor sharp nails that Gon had seen rip hearts from the chests of beasts.

_Don't do this, just give me some time, something is wrong and I can't speak!_ Gon screamed internally but again, nothing came.

Killua had angled his hand toward his own chest. The look of despair in his eyes told Gon all he needed to know. All of a sudden they were locked in their positions, staring at each other. Gon couldn't tell if time had slowed or if it was only his perception of time that had changed but everything came rushing in at that moment. The words came and this time, with meaning.

_'__What was truly important came to me before what I wanted.'_

That's what Ging had said and now Gon understood what he meant. Gon had all this time been searching for Ging, searching for Ging in the hopes that he might learn something profound about himself. But it wasn't Ging that would reveal the truth, it was what was important that came before. _Killua!_ Gon's heart and soul screamed his name. _Killua, you are what came before, you are the one who taught me something truly significant about myself. You taught me love, all this time you've been showing me love and I was too blind to see it!_

_'__What is truly important to you is always something that also gives you great power. Power does not distinguish between right and wrong, that is for you to decide. Remember this.'_

Ging had also said those words and Gon now knew what they meant. Gon had brought Killua out of his sheltered yet dark world into the light. That gave Gon a power over Killua, as Killua worshipped him in a way that only a true love could. But Gon had abused that power, out of ignorance, out of naivety; blinded by his own rage he had wielded that power wrongly and shattered Killua's heart. The pain and regret Gon felt as he realized how deeply this must have wounded Killua was immeasurable.

_'__This is no good, if we stay here any longer…'_

These were Gon's words, he recognized them. As they were splitting ways at the base of the world tree Gon had felt his love for Killua then. He had known somehow, deep down inside that it would surface had they not parted at that time. But while speaking those words he had not yet understood the profound and revealing significance of them. More regret filled Gon's heart.

_'__Yeah…'_

Killua had responded, and now Gon understood why he had felt they were speaking about two different things. Killua had already known, he had known his love for Gon. _But I was so blind, so foolish that I couldn't see it. Killua could not dare bring himself to tell me, what if I rejected him again like I had just done while on my path of vengeance for Kite? I turned him away then! He must have been so terrified, so lost, so alone. Oh Killua, what have I done!_

Gon's entire being trembled. Time began to move again and he could see Killua's hand strike into action, claws as sharp as butchers knives seeking the boys own heart. Something inside Gon snapped, a desperation like never before. He recognized part of the feeling, it was similar to when his rage had exploded out of control during his fight with Pitou. That was when he sacrificed his Nen for power, the power to destroy. This time though, it was different.

Gon could feel a warm glow encompass him as his pores opened up as wide as they could. His golden aura burst forth and was hot and smooth, but didn't burn. The nature surrounding him seemed to take on the same golden hue, adding their blessing to his cause. Gon could feel the chains of dread that bound him break, setting him free to act. He could see nothing but Killua in his vision, there was no foreground, no background. There was only Killua and those beautiful cerulean eyes, staring back at him with all the anguish in the world, all the horror his tortured life had seen. Gon would eradicate that pain again, just as he had done before, but this time for good.

It was then that their fates were intertwined in such a way that only love can manage. As Killua's hand fell to his chest, ready to rip his own heart out, barely beating with life, Gon was lurching forward accompanied by the emanation of his entire being. Everything that Gon was, everything that he felt in his heart and soul for Killua at this moment changed all that was to be. Instead of cleaving through skin and bone, ripping heart from chest and life from being, Killua's hand hit a wall of gold, deflecting harmlessly downward. Gon didn't waste a moment and knelt with the other boy, wrapping him in his arms and aura, bringing his lips forward to meet Killua's. Gon locked Killua into a deep and passionate kiss, willing all the love in his heart forward. He breathed his aura, his life force into Killua, letting it flow, selflessly giving Killua everything that he was.

Gon knew there was only one way to heal Killua and make up for all the pain in his heart. If Gon's light on its own could not shine bright enough down upon him, it would have to shine within him. Gon would give him all of his light.

Gon's lips pressed further as he felt his aura flow into Killua. He could feel the other boy strengthen, his arms now returning the embrace. The golden light rushed forward and down into Killua's body, into his heart, their lips the connection that made the transfer possible, their love the key.

As the last flicker of golden light vanished, Gon came to his senses and the kiss ended. He could feel Killua breathing into his body, his head resting on Gon's shoulder heavily. Gon brought one hand up and ran his fingers through Killua's immaculate silver hair. This time, Gon's words did not fail him.

"I love you too, Killua. Thank you for making me see," Gon whispered.

The sky had cleared and the moon filled the sky. Starlight beamed down on the balcony gardens as nature unconditionally kept them private and alone. No one can know how much time had passed as they remained in each others arms sharing in the emotion that followed Gon's words.


	10. Chapter 10 - The Rising Sun

**A/N: This is the last chapter and the story is complete. I've left it open so that a sequel could be made if there is interest from readers... **

**I want to take the time now to thank everyone who has read this fic from front to back, i really appreciate you joining me on this journey, Gon and Killua are are two of my most favourite characters of all time! If you enjoyed this fic (or if you hated it!) please leave me a review and give me some feedback. This was a learning experience for me and I look forward to taking any feedback and implementing it into my next works. For all of you who have already left reviews and feedback, thank you, your kind words motivated me to keep pushing on and finish this fic. There were some of you that were reviewing and reading every chapter as it was posted and your feedback really kept me going, I'd like to especially thank: color2413 and KyoKyo. I lived and breathed this fic during the time that I wrote it and honestly it was a wonderful experience and I thank you all for aiding me along in that experience! Lots of love to all of you and may we all eventually find the type of love found between these two! **

**I hope you enjoy the final chapter.**

**Sincerely,**

**GHK.**

**Chapter 10 - The Rising Sun**

"I'm so…tired…" Killua whispered into someones ear. He was only vaguely aware that he was kneeling and leaning in to another body that was bearing his weight. The other returned words in kind, they drifted lightly on warm breath that tickled his ear. The words did not come clearly to him, he could not separate them or form them into a sentence; but with them came a cluster of sentiment that transcended the boundaries of language. These sentiments relayed impressions of security, comfort, and warmth to Killua. His instincts were clamouring at his consciousness, trying to wrestle him alert and screaming warnings of vulnerability. Yet something else inside of him was repeating like a drum beat, drowning out the cries of his primal instincts, _trust this, trust him, trust…and rest_ it resonated.

Killua abandoned his instincts entirely and allowed his consciousness to fade, trusting in the comforting rhythm of the message that seemed in time with his own heart beat. He was faintly aware of a hand running fingers gently through his hair while another hand pressed him close to the warm body that held his weight. The sensation seemed to melt away all of his concerns, silencing finally that part of his mind unremittingly prone to his inherent tendencies. The arms within which Killua found himself delivered complete salvation, their loving hold erected a barrier against anything that might cause harm or discomfort. For a moment, this barrier was reminiscent of Killua's common state of loneliness and the protection from feeling it awarded. But he soon discerned that here and now, this cocoon like feeling granted by the arms of his currently undistinguishable saviour, was so vastly different from the impediment to feeling that his prior retreat into loneliness cast. This barrier allowed the passage of some feelings, but only those that granted tranquility.

These were the last impressions that came to Killua before he faded completely. For the first time in his life, Killua slept without the torment of nightmares, without visitation of his painful past and somewhere outside and opposite to the numbing grip of loneliness.

Killua's consciousness came back to him in waves. At first there were simply brief sensations; his sensory abilities slowly awakening, delivering information about his surroundings but only in a simplistic manner. Killua could sense a soft surface beneath him, so that he knew he must be lying down. A warm breeze indicated that he was somewhere outside. A sound from above reminiscent of rustling foliage strongly implied that he was also beneath a tree. Killua could also sense that he wasn't alone. Although there was no one near him that he could immediately detect, there was a presence within him; something that was definitely not part of Killua's identity, either metaphysical or physical.

As Killua struggled to bring himself to see he was suddenly blinded by bright, white light. It was hot and seared his vision shut again. Killua sat up and decided that his eyes had not adjusted yet, but he could tell that he was outdoors somewhere, as he had suspected. The lack of any outline of structures within the light during his brief glimpse indicated he was not anywhere near Heaven's Arena. But he had caught sight of a figure, it appeared right at the centre of his momentary vision like a rough sketch of a shadow on a pristinely white piece of paper. It was off in the distance a fair way and had wavered slightly, as if amidst a fluid backdrop. He couldn't make out who it was. Killua opened his eyes again and struggled to draw focus to his vision but the blinding light was fierce to his sensitive eyes. As Killua gave his sight time to adjust he willed his other body parts to move, deciding to take complete account of his current physical state. His body was extremely sore but he was without major injury. Killua briefly noticed that he was only wearing a pair of shorts, his shirt and shoes had been removed.

Killua brought his hands back to his face and rubbed at his eyes realizing that some remnants of sleep remained. He cleared them of the residue and finally his eyes drove to focus. Slowly a picture formed before him.

Killua saw grass as green as emeralds sloping gently downward toward a sandy bay-front. Tempered sapphire waters kissed the shore climbing up and down the crescent of sand as quietly as nature would allow. The outer perimeter of grass was cradled by trees, framing the little cove so as to create a secluded paradise without visible access to anywhere beyond. The trees were of a species that Killua did not know the name of but they were beautiful with little white flowers expanding like crystals and reflecting light in every direction. A warm breeze snaked its way between the blooming trees and blanketed the entire space with its languid movement. Birds chirped and gave chase to each other in the clear blue sky. There wasn't a cloud in sight, the only thing blocking Killua's view of the entire firmament was one of the delightful trees beneath which he sat. Its white crystal-like blooms providing a floral canopy above him.

The entire space glittered and sparkled with an ebullient aesthetic. It was all brought to light by the most powerful piece of the picture at the centre of Killua's vision and one that he was just now able to absorb. The sun rose just above the horizon like a giant yolk of golden light, floating in such a way that it appeared as though the curvature of the bay had propped it up on the waters between. It cast its radiance directly across the placid sea toward the shoreline, laying a golden pathway upon which it seemed one could walk. The shimmering path ended at the feet of the figure that had moments ago been simply a shadow in the light. It was now that Killua realized the figure was walking toward him. Then came recognition.

_Gon, _Killua remembered, a flood of memory coming over him. The fight with Illumi and Hisoka's bizarre heroism. His desperate final leap to the balcony gardens. Unleashing his confession upon Gon. The other boy being entirely speechless throughout the whole confession and partial diatribe. The point of no return when he had committed to killing himself and then…

_Gon, you…saved my life. Somehow you used your aura to protect me, I felt it. You held me and kept me as your own. This presence inside of me, this feeling of harmony, of not being alone, of warmth, you gave this to me. This is your light, Gon! Not only your light, this is your Nen!_ Killua's mind told him the truth but he could not believe it. He was still in a haze and unable to acknowledge the veracity of his thoughts. Yet at this very moment, Gon's words echoed throughout his mind, stirring him into varying states of belief. _I love you too, Killua. Thank you for making me see._

"Killua! You're awake, finally!" Gon was now shouting and running up the shore toward him.

Killua could hear the soft crunch of grass as Gon's bare feet transitioned from beach to turf. As Gon came closer and into full view Killua realized that he wasn't wearing a shirt either and was only clad in a pair of purple sweat shorts. Killua recognized them immediately, they were his. This made Killua consider what the heck he was wearing. He quickly looked down at himself and realized he was wearing a pair of blue shorts himself. They weren't his but they were the kind of athletic material that he liked and they fit well in the baggy style he was accustomed to. Killua looked up again and almost fell backwards. Gon had kneeled over him and was now staring directly into his eyes. Killua could do nothing but stare at Gon. He was so beautiful, especially in his element. In the sunlight his tanned skin looked even more stunning, as if it were polished bronze. His eyes were glossy with a deep amber glow; and his jet black hair, a complete spiky mess at the moment, was tousled boyishly. Gon's appearance was still so much like what Killua had seen when they had first met. It would be easy to mistake him for twelve still, were it not for his now prominent muscular development. _Oh fuck he's so adorable…_ Killua thought, remembering right away why he had so easily fallen in love with the boy that straddled him.

"Killua, you're finally awake! You were so tired, you slept for two days!" Gon exclaimed throwing his hands up into the air in excitement. "It wasn't easy getting you here, you kept mumbling in your sleep and then you complained about the air ship and then you said you were hungry but I couldn't wake you up to eat. Also, my back is sore! You got heavy, I mean, don't take that in a bad way, you look great, but you weren't easy to carry everywhere you know! Well, I guess you've carried me a few times so I owed you that. Do you like the shorts? I bought them for you on the way home, they're baggy the way you like them and they match the colour of your eyes." Gon grinned sheepishly.

Killua thought that if Gon had a tail he would be wagging it right now. "Gon, yeah the shorts are cool, but I…Uhhh" Killua began to speak trying to engage but was interrupted immediately by Gon who had laid a finger to his lips, effectively shushing him. Killua was grateful as he really wasn't ready to use his words. The sensation of Gon touching him was more than enough to handle at this point and time. Killua was also aware of his crotch becoming hot underneath Gon who was literally in his lap now, knees just to either side of Killua's hips. There were parts of Gon that he was feeling on him right now for the first time ever. Naturally, Killua's cheeks became flushed.

"Killua, I know you're probably confused right now and I want to explain everything to you, but I have an idea. Do you trust me?" Gon regarded him with a look Killua had seen before. He could trust this.

"Ok, Gon. I trust you." Killua responded.

Gon stood up suddenly and held his hand down toward Killua. "Take my hand, Killua."

Killua took the warm hand and felt Gon pull him up to his feet with one strong movement. Killua was quite grateful as another moment of being straddled by Gon would have left him utterly aroused. Gon didn't let go.

"Ok, let's go!" Gon shouted as he broke out into a sprint toward the water. Killua reacted quickly, his legs instinctively moving to keep up with the pace, his hand never letting go of Gon's for a second. They tore through the grass at breakneck pace and scrambled and slid once they hit the sand, all the while managing to keep their hands together. Gon reached the waters edge but did not stop. Before Killua could prepare himself they were splashing out into the ocean water, soft sand squishing between his toes and sea water soaking his shorts. The water was a completely comfortable temperature, cool but not cold and once adjusted it felt positively warm. Gon stopped when they were just above waist deep, they were both panting hard through smiles that had crept on to their faces. Killua almost could have laughed, this was so Gon, but a chuckle would require way more oxygen than he had to spare right now, his body still completely fatigued.

"You have to promise not to laugh at me, Killua, ok? This might seem kind of, well, you might think it's dumb." Gon gave Killua a questioning look with the words, his trademark earnestness in plain sight.

"Ok Gon, I won't laugh," Killua said hesitantly, but he felt comfortable committing to the request.

Gon stepped closer to Killua, there was only a few inches of space between them. His amber eyes were reflecting the sunlight, mixing with it and adding their own golden glow to its already radiant character. Killua stared into Gon's eyes, they had taken on a serious look, but they were still soft and kind.

"Killua it's my turn to confess" Gon began, "although I recognize this will be a much easier confession as you've already done the heavy lifting for both of us. For letting you carry that weight alone, I can never forgive myself, but I can start making amends today." Killua felt Gon put his hands on the small of his back, keeping him close with a gentle pull before he continued. The seawater lapped softy against their bodies and filled in the minuscule amount of space between them.

"Killua, I am sorry. I am _very_ sorry. I've never been more sorry than I am for what I did to you. I never knew, I was too naive, too ignorant. When I said those words to you, out of my mind with rage over Kite, I never realized how badly I could hurt you. It didn't mean nothing to you, it meant everything, I see that now. I was so utterly _selfish_, Killua, for thinking that it had been all about me. It was a mistake but that doesn't mean I shouldn't own it. You were right to be angry with me. I was wrong, I was wrong the whole time, searching for Ging. It wasn't Ging I was looking for Killua, it was you." Gon let his hands fall from Killua's back and formed them into a cup reaching down into the water. He lifted them out and poured the warm sea water over Killua's body. He began at Killua's shoulders and applied his hands over Killua's skin, washing him gently. Killua would have closed his eyes and sighed but Gon's gaze held them open.

Gon continued, "I don't know how to say sorry properly, Killua. You know how I think, you'd call me simpleminded and you'd be right about that. But if I can think of that time as a mark, a stain that I put on you, then let me wash it away now with my own hands."

Killua was in awe of the maturity Gon was displaying. It was so romantic, so genuine, so loving. As much as Gon was clearly the same boy as always, part of him had changed. He felt Gon's hands move all over his body. They were running through his hair, over his ears, wiping his cheeks, down his chest, over his abdomen, around his sides, up and down his back. Gon washed the superficial mark from Killua's form as they stood in the sea together bathing in the morning light and each others affection.

After some time Killua began to speak, "Gon…I," but he couldn't finish, his mouth hung open slightly, lips trembling. He felt tears well up in his eyes.

"You don't have to say anything Killua, you don't owe me anything. I owe you everything. Let me talk for now, let me do for you what only I can do. You were so tired after…what happened…at the gardens, that I don't know if you heard me say it, but," Gon paused and regarded Killua with a look that he had never seen before. His eyes shimmered with a new kind of light; they were passionate and vibrating slightly. Killua felt Gon stop the washing process and step as close as was possible. Killua was pulled right against Gon, their wet bodies sticking together in the water, nose to nose, foreheads almost touching. Killua could feel Gon's breath on his lips, the steady rise and fall of their slick stomachs colliding softly, flittering upon the sensual contact. Gon wrapped him in his arms and it was then that he spoke the words again. Killua hadn't remembered the first time Gon said them, but this time he would never forget.

"I love you too, Killua. Not just like best friends. I love you more than a best friend. You're the one I want to _be_ with. I want you to kiss me, I want you to hold me, I want you to _touch_ me. I never knew a boy could love another boy, I was too childish to even imagine it could be that way. But after seeing you again and realizing my own feelings, I now see how simple it really is. Just like this."

And with that Killua felt Gon's lips touch his own. Killua pressed back deeply, pulling Gon even further into him, a slight moan releasing from each of them as they took joy in the pleasure of their first reciprocal kiss. Killua had his arms wrapped around Gon's shoulders, taking in the flavour of Gon; he was sweet with a mixture of salt from the ocean.

It seemed to last a lifetime, that moment. Killua wouldn't have minded if it had. This is what he had always wanted and Gon had fulfilled his greatest dreams and more. Gon eventually pulled back and wiped away a few tears that had formed on Killua's cheeks. Killua could barely contain the tears, but they were tears of joy, the first of their kind to ever grace his soft and pale face.

"No more crying, Killua. When I saw you there in agony at the balcony gardens all I could think of was how badly I wanted to save you. How badly I wanted to take away all the pain, darkness and loneliness you've had to live with. That's why I gave you my light, Killua. My Nen, my aura, is in you now. I don't know exactly how I did it, it just sort of happened, out of necessity. But I want my aura to heal you, to be with you and to remain a reminder that I'll always be there for you from now on." Gon pointed suddenly to the sun beaming above the horizon, enveloping them in its warmth. "See that? I want to be as permanent to you as the sun is to the day. I want to be yours forever, Killua. If you'll only have me, after all I've done."

Killua couldn't say a word, he was running out of tears, his body trembling. The love Gon was showing him now was beyond his wildest dreams, it was beyond anything Killua could ever have even imagined love might be like. His legs were weak and he leaned into Gon resting his head on Gon's shoulder, holding him tight and hoping that this would be enough of an answer for now. He felt Gon return the embrace, letting Killua know the message had been received.

Killua really wanted to say something romantic finally but what came out was, "Gon, I don't know if I can stand here in the water anymore, you may have to float me out of here if we stay any longer." It was true, Killua was exhausted. He laughed internally, _who would have thought that Gon would be the better romantic between us? Get me out of the water before I drown is all I say to all that! Apparently my assassin upbringing did not prepare me for the art of romance._ Killua was hauled from his thoughts by an immediate change in perspective.

"Loud and clear!" Gon shouted, and before Killua could object Gon had picked him up, cradling him in his arms and was taking them out of the sea.

"G-Gon! What if someone's watching? This is so embarrassing!" Killua protested habitually, but only half heartedly.

"Don't worry Killua," Gon said, "there's never anyone around here. I'm the only one who knows about this place on Whale Island. Besides, if someone did see us, I'd just let them know that I was carrying my one and only true love because he was tired." Gon's face was consumed by an enormous grin.

"Gon, that's even worse! You can't just go around announcing it like that! People think differently about these kinds of things you know." Killua's cheeks were so hot he thought the water around them might boil, yet he didn't dare unwrap his arms from Gon's shoulders.

Gon started to chuckle _he sounds exactly the same as when he was only twelve_, Killua thought. It was undeniably charming.

"Ok Killua, well remember you picked me so you're going to have to put up with it. I'm bad at math, I can't remember long lists of things and usually I'm pretty bad when it comes to social etiquette and I really don't care what other people think of me! But that's a new word I learned, etiquette! Are you impressed? It's got like, over 8 letters in it!" Gon was positively beaming.

_He can't be serious,_ Killua thought, but he couldn't stop himself from bursting into laughter. He buried his head into the crook of Gon's neck, giggling as he was carried up the beach and back to the blanket Gon had laid beneath the beautiful tree.

Gon set Killua down gently and then reached over to a basket that was off to the side. "Hey, Killua. I got you something." Gon pulled out a bar of chocolate and handed it to Killua.

Killua looked at the packaging and read the label. "Super Special Uber Delicious Choco-Peanut Butter Mega-Crunch!" He shouted. "Gon, this ones my favourite! But they don't sell it anywhere anymore! I haven't been able to find it for over a year! How did you…" Killua interrupted his own words as he began to positively drool over the chocolate bar.

"I know, you told me it was your favourite. I never forgot. See it's only seven words, Super Special Uber Delicious Choco-Peanut Butter Mega-Crunch, I can remember that! Well, actually, I couldn't, but I recognized the picture on the front! I knew you loved it so when I came across a store selling them earlier this year I bought all the bars they had. They're all in my freezer back at the house, there's over two hundred bars so…I guess you have to make that last at least a month, ok?" Gon lay down beside Killua on the blanket and reached his arm out to pull Killua onto his chest.

"I'm not sharing!" Killua protested, if he had fangs he would have probably shown them now.

"I know, I just want to hold you that's all. You can have all the chocolate," Gon said smiling.

"Ok well, I guess, as long as this isn't some sort of trick," Killua responded teasing.

"The only trick here is how you stay looking so hot after eating pounds of chocolate…" Gon mumbled quietly to himself.

"Gon! What did you say?" Killua retorted.

"_nothing!…"_ Gon said, whistling and looking around innocently.

They stayed there for a while in silence beneath the tree. Well, it was relatively silent, aside from Killua inhaling the chocolate bar with the ferocity of a hungry jungle cat. Killua eventually broke the silence, his craving now sated. "Hey Gon, what was it you had wanted to see me about at the gardens anyway? Some words Ging had said?"

"Yeah," Gon replied. "It's not really important now, I already got my answer, actually."

"Oh, well that's good," Killua said and then he paused staring down at Gon. "Hey, those shorts you're wearing," Killua began, "those are my shorts…aren't they?"

"Yup!" Gon responded brightly. His eyes squinted and he smiled his best poster boy impression.

"Where…did you get my shorts, Gon?" Killua inquired as he curled up further into Gon, head resting on Gon's chest. He could feel Gon playing idly with his hair that had now dried into a fluffy disaster.

"When you came to Whale Island with me for the first time. You forgot these when we left for Yorknew City, and when I came back here I found them. They must have gotten lost in the laundry one day while Mito-San was cleaning up after us. I guess I started to miss you so, I began to wear them every now and then, they reminded me of you. It felt good to have part of you with me, even if it was just a pair of shorts. But these were the ones you wore when we met for the first time during the Hunter Exam, you want them back?" Gon finished.

"We can share them, besides they look good on you, but maybe just wear them when we're alone…they're a bit tight on you now Gon…" Killua was smirking while his eyes wandered down to Gon's bulge. The soft clingy purple shorts left very little to the imagination and Killua wasn't disappointed.

"Yeah, I guess I'm not twelve anymore," Gon said as he looked down thoughtfully.

"No…definitely not twelve from what I can see…" Killua replied, suggestively, licking his lips briefly. It caught Gon off guard and for once, Killua had managed to embarrass him.

"Killua! Don't say stuff like that you're going to make me self conscious!"

Killua burst out laughing again, "yeah right, make _you_ self conscious. I could be so lucky."

They carried on for a while teasing each other. Eventually as they calmed down Killua brought things back to their current situation. "So, what do you want to do now?" Killua said it, almost instinctively, expecting Gon to have some sort of new adventure planned.

"Actually I was going to ask you the same thing," Gon replied. "What do _you_ want to do Killua? I think we've done enough of what I want for a while, don't you think?"

Killua stared at Gon, bewildered. _He really has grown,_ Killua thought. "Well…" Killua began, "how about we find a way to get you your Nen back…again."

Gon turned his head and looked back at Killua inquisitively, "is that what you really want? Won't that mean it won't be inside you anymore?"

"Yeah Gon, that's what I really want. The light you've given me can never be taken away now, and I want you to be complete. I can't imagine you without your Jajanken, especially if we get into trouble. Besides, it's not fair if I'm the only one who can do cool stuff. Just wait until you see my new attack, I almost took out Illumi with it and…" Killua continued on and told Gon the whole story of Illumi's attack and Hisoka's timely arrival. Gon's eyes drew wide when he realized that the loud thunderstorm was actually caused by Killua's new power.

"Killua! You have to do it now! Show me! I gotta see it!" Gon had stood up and was literally jumping up and down.

"G-Gon! I can't just, do it here! It would wreck this entire place!" Killua stammered.

"Oh, ok, well in that case then show me as soon as we find a place that won't be missed!" Gon concluded. They both laughed, and Gon sat back down on the blanket cross legged and facing Killua.

He pointed up to the tree above them, "Hey, Killua. See this tree?"

"Yeah, what are these trees anyway?" Killua replied.

"They're star magnolia, they're my favourite," Gon began. "This one in particular stood out to me. This is where I came to be alone, to train and figure out how to get my Nen back. When I would get frustrated I used to just stare at this tree, it reminded me of something and provided comfort. When I had finally got my Nen back I was still having problems controlling my rage. My aura just wasn't the same as before, it was wild and hard to contain. Something in it lingered from that battle with Pitou. But one day when I was staring at this star magnolia it brought back a memory, you know, that time we camped out for the first time on Whale Island together and slept under the stars? I said then, _I'm happy when I'm with you, Killua_. I learned to use that memory and the peace it brought my mind to calm the rage when it would surface. That night with you and how I felt, I should have known then, Killua, that I loved you in this way. Now I know that the reason this tree helped that memory to surface is because it actually reminds me of you, with it's starlike flowers the colour of your hair. It's so perfectly proportioned, beautiful and fragile, I just want to protect it and keep it safe." Gon brought himself over on top of Killua who was still lying down, staring up at the tree. Killua felt Gon's crotch brush gently against his own, he couldn't withhold his arousal this time, and he noticed that Gon was sporting one of his own. "Just like I want to protect you, and keep you safe, Killua," Gon whispered as he kissed Killua's neck gently. Then poking his head up slyly, "but hey Killua, for now do you think you could keep me safe? Without my Nen I'm pretty useless in a fight…"

Killua returned the kisses to Gon's neck while giggling, "You're lucky I'm not just some pretty tree, huh!" Then soberly, "Yes, Gon, _again_ I'll keep you safe, like I always have. That will never change."

Killua and Gon spent the rest of the day indulging in each other. They explored their love and all the pleasures of the mind and body it could provide. Eventually, after they had literally eaten each other up to the extent that dinner was spoiled, Killua and Gon decided to set out together again, on a new quest. They would find a way to give Gon back his Nen and figure out from there what to do next. But for the first time there was no laggard. They stepped out this time together, and in parallel; their motivation joined in purpose. It was now that the real adventure began, the one that Ging had always truly wanted for his son and the one that Killua would later refer to as the beginning of his life.

_Joined. Unconfined. Warm. Loved. Free…_

Killua.


End file.
